HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: RichardZ
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 1
Overall: 13126

People Online:
Members: 1
Visitors: 347
BOT: 1
Total: 349
Who Is Where:
 Members:
01: Aloysius > Forums
 Visitors:
01: Forums
02: Home
03: Your Account
04: Forums
05: Home
06: Your Account
07: Home
08: Photo Albums
09: Forums
10: Home
11: Forums
12: Forums
13: Forums
14: Forums
15: Forums
16: Forums
17: Forums
18: Home
19: Your Account
20: Forums
21: Forums
22: Forums
23: Forums
24: Forums
25: Forums
26: Your Account
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Your Account
30: Forums
31: Your Account
32: Forums
33: Your Account
34: Forums
35: Forums
36: Your Account
37: Forums
38: Your Account
39: Forums
40: Forums
41: News
42: Forums
43: Forums
44: Forums
45: Forums
46: Forums
47: Forums
48: Home
49: Forums
50: Home
51: Forums
52: Forums
53: Forums
54: Forums
55: Forums
56: Photo Albums
57: Home
58: Home
59: Forums
60: Photo Albums
61: Your Account
62: Your Account
63: Forums
64: Forums
65: Your Account
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Your Account
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Forums
72: Home
73: Your Account
74: Forums
75: Home
76: Forums
77: Your Account
78: Forums
79: Forums
80: Forums
81: Forums
82: Forums
83: Forums
84: Forums
85: Home
86: Forums
87: Forums
88: Photo Albums
89: Forums
90: Forums
91: Forums
92: Home
93: Forums
94: Your Account
95: Photo Albums
96: Forums
97: Forums
98: Home
99: Your Account
100: Your Account
101: Forums
102: Forums
103: Forums
104: Your Account
105: Forums
106: Home
107: Your Account
108: Forums
109: Home
110: Forums
111: Home
112: Forums
113: Forums
114: Forums
115: Forums
116: Forums
117: Forums
118: Forums
119: Forums
120: Forums
121: Forums
122: Forums
123: Forums
124: Your Account
125: Forums
126: Home
127: Forums
128: Forums
129: Forums
130: Your Account
131: Forums
132: Forums
133: Forums
134: Home
135: Forums
136: Forums
137: Photo Albums
138: Forums
139: Home
140: Photo Albums
141: Forums
142: Forums
143: Your Account
144: Forums
145: Forums
146: Your Account
147: Forums
148: Your Account
149: Forums
150: Forums
151: Forums
152: Forums
153: Forums
154: Photo Albums
155: Forums
156: Your Account
157: Home
158: Forums
159: Your Account
160: Forums
161: Forums
162: Forums
163: Forums
164: Forums
165: Forums
166: Forums
167: Photo Albums
168: Forums
169: Forums
170: Forums
171: Forums
172: Forums
173: Forums
174: Your Account
175: Forums
176: Forums
177: Forums
178: Your Account
179: Photo Albums
180: Forums
181: Forums
182: Photo Albums
183: Forums
184: Forums
185: Photo Albums
186: Forums
187: Forums
188: Your Account
189: Photo Albums
190: Forums
191: Forums
192: Home
193: Your Account
194: Photo Albums
195: Forums
196: Photo Albums
197: Your Account
198: Forums
199: Photo Albums
200: Forums
201: Home
202: Home
203: Home
204: Forums
205: Forums
206: Photo Albums
207: Your Account
208: Forums
209: Home
210: Forums
211: Forums
212: Forums
213: Forums
214: Forums
215: Forums
216: Forums
217: Home
218: Your Account
219: Forums
220: Forums
221: Forums
222: Forums
223: Forums
224: Forums
225: Home
226: Forums
227: Forums
228: Forums
229: Home
230: Your Account
231: Your Account
232: Home
233: Home
234: Forums
235: Forums
236: Forums
237: Your Account
238: Forums
239: Your Account
240: Forums
241: Home
242: Forums
243: Forums
244: Forums
245: Home
246: Forums
247: Photo Albums
248: Forums
249: Forums
250: Photo Albums
251: Forums
252: Your Account
253: Forums
254: Your Account
255: Forums
256: Forums
257: Your Account
258: Forums
259: Forums
260: Your Account
261: Forums
262: Forums
263: Forums
264: Statistics
265: Forums
266: Forums
267: Your Account
268: Home
269: Forums
270: Home
271: Forums
272: Forums
273: Home
274: Forums
275: Forums
276: Forums
277: Forums
278: Home
279: Forums
280: Forums
281: Forums
282: Forums
283: Forums
284: Forums
285: Forums
286: Your Account
287: Forums
288: Forums
289: Forums
290: Forums
291: Forums
292: Forums
293: Forums
294: Forums
295: Forums
296: Forums
297: Forums
298: Forums
299: Home
300: Your Account
301: Forums
302: Forums
303: Forums
304: Your Account
305: Forums
306: Forums
307: Home
308: Forums
309: Forums
310: Home
311: Forums
312: Forums
313: Forums
314: Forums
315: Home
316: Forums
317: Photo Albums
318: Home
319: Forums
320: Home
321: Forums
322: Forums
323: Your Account
324: Forums
325: Photo Albums
326: Photo Albums
327: Forums
328: Forums
329: Forums
330: Home
331: Your Account
332: Your Account
333: Forums
334: Forums
335: Forums
336: Your Account
337: Forums
338: Home
339: Photo Albums
340: Forums
341: Forums
342: Home
343: Forums
344: Forums
345: Forums
346: Home
347: Photo Albums
  BOT:
01: Photo Albums

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 308
 Pictures: 2451
  · Views: 820723
  · Votes: 1316
  · Comments: 86
 

Grandma in court
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Go to page 1, 2  Next
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 9:51 pm    Post subject: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippigrandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11389
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 9:15 am    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Ain't that the truth... ROFL

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
tracker
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:27 am    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

too good Vince, you've surpassed yourself again ROFL ROFL

_________________
"If God hadn't meant for man to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!"
Back to top
View user's profile
Weinbender
Member
Member


Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

tracker wrote:
too good Vince, you've surpassed yourself again ROFL ROFL

I am with ya tracker! Very Happy Very Happy

i got to visit Australia if all aussies are as funny as vince i am staying over there! Haha

_________________
"If it dont kick like a mule, it aint worth shooting"
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11389
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Weinbender...I have had the privilege of drinkin' the night away with Australian Sailors in various ports in the Pacific...As they pick on you they pick on themselves. They are a riot when a bit tippsy (The most common phrase I heard was "Ah com'on mate. play the game.). In a tight when the SHTF. They are too busy trying to be the first one to hit someone. I had a hell of a time getting a fist in edgewise. They wouldn't let me in front...I would pass the time, drink or fight with them on my side anytime...Real Good People...The best.

Now that's how you kiss up to Vince and Gelandangan. Yup...That ought to do it... ROFL

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
tracker
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Well Weinbender that depends...do you mean as funny as Vince? or as "funny" as Vince?

and Bushmaster that was one dam fine job of kissin' up to Vince and Gelandangan, you should be ok for going back to picking on them for about 6 more months now, lol

_________________
"If God hadn't meant for man to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!"
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 5:37 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Now that's how you kiss up to Vince and Gelandangan. Yup...That ought to do it... ROFL

Trackster wrote:
Well Weinbender that depends...do you mean as funny as Vince? or as "funny" as Vince?

and Bushmaster that was one dam fine job of kissin' up to Vince and Gelandangan, you should be ok for going back to picking on them for about 6 more months now, lol

You guys are a scream. Bushy has it totally correct. Aussies are real down to earth people. Most I know would give you their butt and excrete through their ribs...if you deserve it. Also, if you can't laugh at yourself, you have no right to laugh at someone else. Very Happy

TrackedyTrack...me...funny...I sure hope so. Nothing better than making a mate or mates laugh. Good for the soul. (Notice how I discreetly and efficiently skirted around the second "funny" Laughing Laughing )

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
tracker
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 8:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

yes sir, I noticed that, once again your literary prowess is nothing less than astonishing. Actually, I was pretty sure you'd laugh at it my friend.

_________________
"If God hadn't meant for man to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!"
Back to top
View user's profile
tracker
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 8:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

trackedytrack? wtf oookayyy..... Very Happy Very Happy

_________________
"If God hadn't meant for man to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!"
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

tracker wrote:
yes sir, I noticed that, once again your literary prowess is nothing less than astonishing. Actually, I was pretty sure you'd laugh at it my friend.

Laugh...mate, I ain't laughed so hard since Granny got her b@@bs caught in the mangle. Laughing ROFL

tracker wrote:
trackedytrack? oookayyy.....

Yeah, not sure where that came from...just appeared on the screen. Time to get my fingers zeroed again I think...either that or I was thinking of something else at the time. Got a couple of "interesting" things on my mind at the moment. Very Happy Smile

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11389
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:37 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Does Tracker know what a mangle is???

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:47 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Does Tracker know what a mangle is???

Hm, good question Bushy.

Hey Trackster...a mangle is a wringer found on an old syle washing machine. You know...two rollers that you put your wet clothes through to squeeeeeeze the water out before hanging them on the clothes line.

He does now mate. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing :lol:

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Does Tracker know what a mangle is???

Hm, good question Bushy.

Hey Trackster...a mangle is a wringer found on an old syle washing machine. You know...two rollers that you put your wet clothes through to squeeeeeeze the water out before hanging them on the clothes line.

He does now mate. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing :lol:

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6396
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 11:58 pm    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

you have stuttering finger again Vince? Very Happy

Poor ganny. that musta hurts like Bl00dyh3ll .. got me finger caught on one of those before.. YIKES!!

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:42 am    Post subject: Re: Grandma in court Reply with quote

Yep...spent too much time looking at a picture I sent to Bushy mate. Embarassed

You have to be real careful of the old mangle mate...thems nasty buggers.
Very Happy Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 2
All times are GMT - 7 Hours
Go to page 1, 2  Next



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by *Dizfunkshunal* :.