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Aussie bush Etiquette
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13632
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:09 am    Post subject: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Aussie bush Etiquette




In General:

1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview...

2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.

3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

Eating Out:

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

Entertaining at Home:

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist..

2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

Personal Hygiene:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

Theatre/Cinema Etiquette:

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.

2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

Weddings:

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.

3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

Driving Etiquette:

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your guns loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.

2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.






Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:05 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

I guess I should change my bedsheets.......NAW!! wait for Jon to get home


Suz

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radar
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Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1108
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 6:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

When I was milking cows many moons ago and doing hay bales a dozen beers to the interview was compulsory - It gaurenteed you'd be on the team - It also meant we'd have something to drink after. Bit like shearing gang interviews

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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7555
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 6:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Ok, thanks for the chuckle. However, education needs to continue.

stubby = ?
paddocks = ?
Esky = ?

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein


Last edited by slimjim on Thu Oct 14, 2010 8:53 pm; edited 1 time in total
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1318
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 8:24 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Stubby = bottle of beer
Paddock = corral
Esky = cooler or ice box

I spend too much time conversing with Aussies. Very Happy
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slimjim
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Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 8:56 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Thanks English Mike! Are those words common in the UK also or are you a world traveler?

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"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13632
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 10:19 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Actually Mike...and Slim..."paddock" is the fenced off sections of land on a farm/ranch/station. A paddock can vary from anywhere between an acre to thousands of acres.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1318
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 2:29 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
Actually Mike...and Slim..."paddock" is the fenced off sections of land on a farm/ranch/station. A paddock can vary from anywhere between an acre to thousands of acres.

Cheers, Vince

Only in a place where farms run to millions of acres matey, which means Oz. Very Happy
Here it usually refers to the "home" field up against the farm buildings, where animals are kept prior to shearing/sending to market/doctoring, etc.
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Vince
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Posts: 13632
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Yep....there is the "home" paddock, the "front" paddock...both situated nearby the farm house...then there is the "back" paddock...that is usually the big bugger...etc. As you say Mike...on a big station, the "back" paddock can run to millions of acres...dinosaur country. We usually measure them in square miles if they are that big.

We usually refer to the paddocks around the shearing shed etc as "yard" paddocks. The yards are like the corral that you mentioned earlier...holding pens for the critters prior to them being cycled through whatever it is you have in mind for them.

Cheers, Vince

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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tikkat3
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Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 713

PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 1:10 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Paddock- pasture, field.

As long as you don't have a few loose roos in the top paddock.
Not to be confused with the long paddock.

Stubbie (Unless Darwin type) is for the slow drinkers that like to sit on beer and make it last.(before it gets warm)
Tallies or long necks are for the real men who like to down a coldie.

Stubbies are also a comfortable pair of shorts. Often worn with a bluey.
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13632
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 2:54 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing

Well done Tiks....now you have really got Slim by the short and curlys mate.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7555
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 5:25 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie bush Etiquette Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
now you have really got Slim by the short and curlys mate.

We got that one here!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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