FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)

Vince

By Pam Ayres of course..

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left t1t!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

Suzanne

So where's the video?

Vince · Last edited by Vince on Thu May 02, 2013 1:43 am; edited 1 time in total

Suzanne wrote:

So where's the video?

dhc4ever

Both classics

Elvis

very very good she always has been a clever lass that Pam.

radar

Vince, this started on the NZ Trade me website with everyone adding a bit I cut and pasted the whole lots sooooo here tis.

Fifty Shades of Grey Hair
The missus bought a Paperback down Dymocks, Saturday,  I had a look in her bag;  T’was “fifty shades of grey”.   Well I just left her to it,  At ten I went to bed.  An hour later she appeared;  The sight filled me with dread…..
  In her left hand she held a rope;  And in her right a whip!  She threw them down on the floor,  And then began to strip.
  Well fifty years or so ago;  I might have had a peek;  But Doris hasn’t weathered well;  She’s eighty four next week.  
 Watching Doris bump and grind;  Could not have been much grimmer.  Things went from bad to worse;  She toppled off her Zimmer!
  She struggled up upon her feet;  A couple minutes later;  She put her teeth back in and…  Said…. I must dominate her!!   
Now if you knew our Doris,  You’d see just why I spluttered,  I’d spent two months in traction  For the last complaint I’d muttered.
  She stood there nude, naked like;  Bent forward just a bit ….  I thought what the hell,  Stepped forward,  and stood on her left tit!Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;  My god what had I done!?  She moaned and groaned then shouted out:  “Step on the other one”!!   
Well readers, I can’t tell no more;  About what occurred that day.  Suffice to say my jet black hair,….  Turned “fifty shades of Grey”.

But then I got to thinking  Why should she have all the fun  So I bought a pair of handcuffs  Cause I'd heard they were the gun

They were pink and they were fluffy  And I proudly took then home  And I fixed them to the bedhead  And I found a can of foam

And I found her favourite CD  And I turned the lights down low  And I closed the blinds and curtains  And I said 'Let's have a go'

Now Doris get your arse in here  And do what you are told  But leave your woolly singlet on  This room is bloody cold

See I'd spent the power bill money  On a pack of wee blue pills  But I figured that the heat we'd make  Would chase away the chills

"Now Doris put your arms up here  These cuffs I'm going to click  Upon your wrists". She tried to  But then said-"Hold on a tick-

Pass me my glucosamine-  my joints will need some aid  to hold my arms above my shoulders  while I am getting laid"

Then I took her woolly stockings  And I tied them round her ankles  And that was somewhat tricky  Cause she has trouble with her cankles

Now close your eyes please Doris  I said so masterfully  I tied a blindfold round her head  And then unwrapped the pulley

And I fixed it to the centre light  And strapped it round my middle  And I kicked off from the bedside mat  Then thought Damn I need to piddle

But do you think that I could reach  The buckle? it had slipped!  The more I tried to reach around  The more I just turned and flipped.
"Oh damn,oh hell, oh bugger me"  I struggled, puffed, and wheezed  "That's what YOU'RE s'posed to do to me"  Said Doris , not well pleased.

It didn't help that the wee blue pill  Was getting into gear  And as I dangled spinning  I poked her in her ear

Now remember she's blindfolded  And she cannot see a thing  So she cannot see me hanging  And she cannot see me swing

She yells 'Whatever are you doing"  As above her I rotate  "Get that cotton bud out of my ear"  She is getting quite irate

"Horace, are you listening"  She hollers, but poor me,  I am getting rather dizzy  And still dying for a pee.

And then I heard a dreaded sound  Wheels and footsteps down the hall  'Twas the afternoon tea trolley  And I heard the dreaded call
"Milk and sugar in your tea,Dear?"  There's the sound of fluid splashing  My tortured bladder just gives way  And Doris gets a lashing

Well- she thought they'd spilt her tea on her  And no one ever told  That the soaking that she suffered was in fact  A shower of gold

And as for me, they cut me down  And sent me on my way  And you wonder why my head is now  50 shades of grey

dhc4ever

Radar,
I am now scarred for life, some mental images are never forgotten.
I nearly lost it at Woolley jumper....................

Vince

That is pure gold Radar...or grey...whichever way you look at it mate. Haha

TRBLSHTR

OMFG!On a sunday morn to boot!I'm gonna have to go get some religion now to clear that from my head!!!!!!! Razz

Vince

TRBLSHTR wrote:

:lol: OMFG!On a sunday morn to boot!I'm gonna have to go get some religion now to clear that from my head!!!!!!! Razz