Business talk

gelandangan · Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 5:36 pm Post subject: Business talk

Found this somewhere, funy but true.

Today's Professional Management talks.

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble "

keetoowah · Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:58 am Post subject: Re: Business talk

yep so very true

tracker · Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 12:19 pm Post subject: Re: Business talk

"Let me get back to you on that" actually means, "yeah, in your dreams, I'm hoping you'll forget about it by tomorrow"

"You have my undivided attention" actually means, "the woodland jamboree is playing in my head"

"I have an open door policy for all my staff" actually means, "I obviously have no interest in what you're bitching about"

----those ones are mine, use them with my staff here every day, lol

Bushmaster · Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 12:28 pm Post subject: Re: Business talk

"I believe in being a team". means "You people are the team and you will do my bidding". Or the "team" are all those that do what I tell them to do...

keetoowah · Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 9:22 pm Post subject: Re: Business talk

Bushmaster wrote:

"I believe in being a team". means "You people are the team and you will do my bidding". Or the "team" are all those that do what I tell them to do...

Anybody have a problem with that you're off the team.

fireball 3 · Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:39 am Post subject: Re: Business talk

keetoowah wrote:

Bushmaster wrote:

"I believe in being a team". means "You people are the team and you will do my bidding". Or the "team" are all those that do what I tell them to do...

Anybody have a problem with that you're off the team.

I agree with ya'll, Where I work,I am the team. Even the owner never shows up on time. I guess that's why "they" pay me the big buck!!! Notice the buck isn't plural. Ha Ha. Sad

Dave

tracker · Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 9:36 am Post subject: Re: Business talk

I've got one more,sort of fits with what's going on around the office here this week.

"I think you should consider everything carefully before tendering that resignation" actually means "yeah, there's six people waiting down in the pool hall I can replace you with. Just leave the keys on the desk" Very Happy