An oldie, but a goody...with some new ones I haven't seen before.

Military Wisdom

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." — Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." — US Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons." — General MacArthur

"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." — U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways." — U.S. Army Ordnance Manual


"Five second fuses only last three seconds." — Infantry Journal
The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you. — Basic Flight Training Manual

"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once." — Maritime Ops Manual

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." — Unknown Marine Recruit

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." — USAF Ammo Troop

"You've never been lost until you"ve been lost at Mach 3." — Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire." —Unknown Author

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe." — Fixed Wing Pilot

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash." — Multi-Engine Training Manual

"Without ammunition, the USAF is just an expensive flying club." — Unknown Author

"If you hear me yell; 'Eject, Eject, Eject!,' the last two will be echos. If you stop to ask 'Why?' you"ll be talking to yourself, because you're the pilot." — Pre-flight Briefing from a 104 Pilot

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies." — Sign over Control Tower Door

"Never trade luck for skill." — Author Unknown

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight." — Basic Flight Training Manual

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation — we have never left one up there!" — Unknown Author

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it." — Emergency Checklist

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." — Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." — Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to." — Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal." — Lead-in Fighter Training Manual

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot"s reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"

Cheers, Vince

Vince, these are great! Having flown F18s and A7s in the US Navy and F4 in the USAF plus about a dozen other airplanes, these really ring home. There are a few others you can add to the list.

"Speed is life!"

"Never trade airspeed for altitude!"

"You only can tie the guy that flew the lowest!!!"

I learned those three the hard way.

Those are good Vince ..............

Well done Vince! I was an aircrew survival equipmentman (person), in the Navy, loved it. And hated it. Aircrew were fun to work with. I loved those ole twin engine S2s firing up in the morning, big billowing smoke then the sound of the prup prup prup like a race car on idle. My shop was right on the flight line, got to see all the action.


Suz

Now that's funny Vince. A little disappointed there are no Tanker jokes.

wiersy111 wrote:

A little disappointed there are no Tanker jokes.

Fighter pilot pulls up to get some gas and does a barrel role around the Tanker exclaiming over the radio "How did you like that!?!" The Tanker pilot radios back "Here, watch what we can do". The fighter pilot backs off a bit to give the tanker some room to maneuver ... and waits ... and waits. Finally the frustrated fighter pilot radios "I've been waiting, when are you going to do something?" The Tanker pilot replies "I already did. I hit the head and ate a steak!"

slimjim wrote:

wiersy111 wrote: A little disappointed there are no Tanker jokes. Fighter pilot pulls up to get some gas and does a barrel role around the Tanker exclaiming over the radio "How did you like that!?!" The Tanker pilot radios back "Here, watch what we can do". The fighter pilot backs off a bit to give the tanker some room to maneuver ... and waits ... and waits. Finally the frustrated fighter pilot radios "I've been waiting, when are you going to do something?" The Tanker pilot replies "I already did. I hit the head and ate a steak!"

Thats a good one..
My air force pilot mate told me that there is one thing you cant get used to,
that is either piss with your pants on or just hold it in till you land.
Definitely doesn't sound as glamorous anymore

gelandangan wrote:

either piss with your pants on ... or ... just hold it in till you land.

Older fighters like the A7, F4 had "relieve" tubes. Not fun if they got plugged. These were eliminated in new fighters like F16, F18 and pilots used "pital" packs (if they remembered to bring them with them). These are highly absorbant sponges, etc inside a specially shaped plastic bag. These have caused some problems as pilots sometimes unstrap from the ejection seat and change its height. They have had buckles and straps interfer with the flight stick and cause incidents. Now they are looking at a battery powered pump attached to special "undies" that will suck out the fluids with a press of a button. I think I'll stop the explaination right there.

Wrong Tanker!!! I'm the kind that stays on the ground and likes to make a big BOOM.

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Aint it the truth . I was a Crew Chief on the CH-47.....
Joe

shrpshtrjoe wrote:

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to." Aint it the truth . I was a Crew Chief on the CH-47..... Joe

Atleast it wasn't a Sea King! They need 30 hours of maintenance to fly per hour of flying time.

Dimitri

"Pointy end toward enemy!" That was the most significant learning point in my Advanced Non Commissioned Officers Course.

Ahhhhh, yesss...the "Pilot Relief Tube"! I'd forgotten this till slimjim mentioned them.
One got hung up in the fuselage of a B-47, and the pilot wrote a complaint in the log: " Relief tube too short!"
Some nameless maintenance crewman tugged on it a bit, which freed it, then entered in the logbook: "Relief tube just fine, pecker too short! "

Now that is hilarious

Navy A4 pilot had been out late drinking (imagine that). Following morning he is flying a low level training mission across the Nevada desert with a hangover larger than the cockpit. In this state he decides that he would feel better if he could get more blood to his head. He flips inverted at around 400 kts and a hundred ft. Seeing an obstacle ahead he realizes that he needs to gain altitude. When he starts to pull back on the stick, the angel on his shoulder screams, "NOOOOO Asshole!!!". He corrected his mistake and then decided that flying inverted at low altitude wasn't good for his health and well being.