Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her,
so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
them.


Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their
hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded
about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the
door with your underwear showing and your trousers ten sizes too big,
and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do
not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter,
I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it
comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other,
we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.
Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"


Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you
will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If
you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to
be on time for the film, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting
the Forth Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do
something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
1. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
wooden stool.
2. Places where there is darkness.
3. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
4. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce
my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything
other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up
to her throat.
5. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided;
movies which feature chain saws are okay.
6. Hockey games are okay.
7. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-
aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I
am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you
where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me
the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun,
a shovel, and five acres behind the house.


Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the
voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for
you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the
driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight.
Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you
have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your
car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face
at the window is mine.

yea, im glad i still got at least 11 more years before mines old enough to date

Yup...I remember those rules from my teen years. Then I recall them when I had my daughter in house. Now I will relay these to my Granddaughter who resides with me and grandma..

Thanks for the memories.

How ya doin' wy111?? Good to see you...

Metz3601 (And hello to you too)...Best bet is to lock her in the basement until she is 18. Then kick her out on her own. It will save your sanity...Believe me!

Heyup Bushy, not been on site much lately, a few problems with daughter's health, but sorted now. Yea, I'm ok thanks, you still battling the legislation over there?

my daughter will be dating in a few years, I wonder if I print this off will my wife do up a cross stitch of it to hang in the hall????

Go for it