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Airport conversations
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:53 pm    Post subject: Airport conversations Reply with quote

You're going to love this, after you shake your head. Heaven Help us.



Airport conversations:

A DC airport ticket agent.... Believe it or not.... It’s priceless funny stuff; but alas, is only a small indication of just how much trouble our country is in.

God Bless America !

A DC airport ticket agent
offers some examples of 'why' our country is
in trouble:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the
window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ....!'' Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained,'' Cape Cod is in Massachusetts? Capetown is in South Africa! '' his response – click!!

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about
a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member(Janet Napolitano) once called and asked
if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the Reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She
needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at
8:30a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, California is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it
be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Alabama who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my
flight number is 823, but none of these planes have that number on them!''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , Florida on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu from Louisiana . Senator Landrieu called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I've double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time
they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations,
''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
"Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up
every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.
Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!

How can could anyone be this DUMB??

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED..!

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration.

It’s like manure, you just gotta spread it around.


Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8314
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 7:44 am    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

After watching a Congressman express his concern that Guam might tip over and capsize if the Military stationed more servicemen on the island, these are believable.

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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radar
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1109
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 3:02 am    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

Vince, make mine a Heineken please....cold.

I posted the same thing a week earlier......

You are having an absolute howler having to shouting us all.

_________________
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell
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Vince
Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 3:21 am    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

Bugger...I'm not having a good month...hope this doesn't extend over the whole year mate. Embarassed Embarassed

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 7:59 am    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

radar wrote:
Vince, make mine a Heineken please....cold.

I posted the same thing a week earlier......

You are having an absolute howler having to shouting us all.

ROFL ROFL ROFL Haha Haha Haha


Thats ok Vince, keep em coming.

_________________
Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Aloysius
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2438
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:56 am    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

Radar, don't you like beer because you ask for Heineken?
Don't you know that picture of a flemish working horse drinking Palm and urinating in a bucket which is labeled 'Heineken'?
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radar
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1109
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:35 pm    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

I put Heiniken down because you guys wouldn't know a Steinlager Pure if you were bottled with it.!

My choice of beer is wide but I do confess to being partial to Heiniken and Steinlager Pure followed closely by Speights and Export Gold (Elvis knows what these are).

Anyway Vince, I guess in the great state of Queensland its all Four X isn't it.

_________________
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell
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Vince
Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

XXX otherwise, known as barbed wire, is made here...not a real lover of it though...much prefer Hahn Premium, which is made here too. Laughing Cheers

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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radar
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1109
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 3:40 am    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

Vince,
You and me is going to have to wet the whistle one day.

Acutally probably in the not too distant future.

I'm going to visit my Bro in Gold Coast as he and his wonderful wife have given me my firts neice. Got lotsa Nephews but she be the first neice.

I will give you the word once I get it from the boss.

_________________
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 3:54 am    Post subject: Re: Airport conversations Reply with quote

Not a problem mate...I look forward to buying you a beer.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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