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WittyJokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15704 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:42 am Post subject: Witty |
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I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.
I changed my I Pod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
How does a Muslim make the holy bread rise? By preying to the yeast.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously the government's fault.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Suzanne Super Member
Joined: Jun 27, 2009 Posts: 3323 Location: Eugene, Oregon
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Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 7:57 am Post subject: Re: Witty |
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The absolute BEST Vinnie!!
_________________ May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams. |
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gelandangan Super Member
Joined: May 07, 2006 Posts: 6396 Location: Sydney Australia
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Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:13 pm Post subject: Re: Witty |
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_________________ A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.
Do - Not try!
gelandangan.weebly.com/ |
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