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BBC News - UK Suicide Bombers go on Strike
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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inthedark
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Joined: Jan 31, 2011
Posts: 765
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 1:26 pm    Post subject: BBC News - UK Suicide Bombers go on Strike Reply with quote

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth" Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapantsexplained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

Party

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Chimo
Ron

War is sweet to those who have no experience of it, but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach - Pindar 518-438BC
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2360
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 2:05 pm    Post subject: Re: BBC News - UK Suicide Bombers go on Strike Reply with quote

Gold!
You're an evil bugger.

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13633
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:56 am    Post subject: Re: BBC News - UK Suicide Bombers go on Strike Reply with quote

Evil bugger...yeah, but a bloody funny one Pete. Laughing

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10568
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 10:23 am    Post subject: Re: BBC News - UK Suicide Bombers go on Strike Reply with quote

What do you mean the West is depraved. We have plenty of ugly sixth graders.

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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