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Married life.
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6033
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 6:31 pm    Post subject: Married life. Reply with quote

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer -- brands from 12 different countries including Germany, Holland, Japan, Czech Republic, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that chunks of ice were forming out of the air on it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres. I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out several kinds of hot, home-made hors d'oeuvres.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? Fine! Sit your ass down, shut the hell up, drink your beer in your frozen mug, and eat your hors d' oeuvres because your married ass isn't going to a damned bar! Got it, jackass?"

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14222
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 7:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2545
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 1:39 am    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

And that's when anullment proceedings started.......

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10788
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 8:23 am    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

Damn possessive jealous women anyway. man can't have no fun.

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7954
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 11:12 am    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

I think she is great!!!

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"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3850
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 4:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

Honey-pie, sit yourself down, on the floor. I'll get you a scrub rush and when you are done here there are dishes to do, the bathroom to clean and the garbage needs to be taken out. I'll be down at the bar until I feel you'll be finished. When I get home and you are finished then we can find something fun to do together, or I can have you clean the attic.

If you don't like it my way then there is always the highway. You can take what you came with and we will call it done. Do you understand snookums?

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Paul
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
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Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 4:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

PaulS, is this what you told your wife or what she told you? Its hard to tell.

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"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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PaulS
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Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 4:28 pm    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

I have never had to tell my present wife anything like that. I let her know when I am going and she welcomes me home when I get back. We have yet to have any argument or even a feisty disagreement. She is a very good woman and very submissive.

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Paul
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8021
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 6:29 pm    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

Im saying NOTHING........

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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2545
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2018 12:36 am    Post subject: Re: Married life. Reply with quote

Not the you usually get the chance............

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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