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HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029 (FROM K WAGNER)
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13024
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 7:50 pm    Post subject: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029 (FROM K WAGNER) Reply with quote

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Cubofloria.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Cubofloria voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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1895ss
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: West of Here!!

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:33 am    Post subject: Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029 (FROM K WAGNER) Reply with quote

Shocked Sad to say but some of that could be true down the road. Shocked

But I do like that new camera. I can hardly wait to get one Smile

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A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 10:32 pm    Post subject: Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029 (FROM K WAGNER) Reply with quote

Remind me not to move to Massachusetts. Laughing

Dimitri

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A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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