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ATM Machine Instructions
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Super Member
Super Member

Joined: Sep 08, 2005
Posts: 1153
Location: Working my way back up and around

PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 4:51 pm    Post subject: ATM Machine Instructions Reply with quote

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: " Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed.Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."


1.Drive up to the cash machine
2.Put down your car window
3.Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4.Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5.Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6.Put window up
7.Drive off.


1.Drive up to cash machine.
2.Reverse and back up the required amount to allign car window with the machine.
3.Set parking brake, put the window down.
4.Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5.Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6.Attempt to insert card into machine
7.Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to excessive distance from car.
8.Insert card.
9.Re-insert card the right way.
10.Dig through handbag to fnd diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11.Enter PIN
12.Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
13.Enter amount of cash required.
14.Check make-up in rear view mirror.
15.Retrieve cash and receipt.
16.Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17.Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18.Re-check makeup.
19.Drive forward 2 feet.
20.Reverse back to cash machine
21.Retrieve card.
22.Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot.
23.Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24.Restart stalled engine and pull off and hit big yellow pole.
25.Redial person on cell phone and tell them you hit a big yellow pole.
26.Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27.Release Parking Brake.

Why no......I'm really not an outdoorsmsn at all. But i did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!
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Super Member
Super Member

Joined: Aug 18, 2005
Posts: 735
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 6:47 pm    Post subject: Re: ATM Machine Instructions Reply with quote

My wife didn't think that was one bit funny, no she didn't. On the other hand, ... ROFL
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Gil Martin
Super Member
Super Member

Joined: Jan 28, 2005
Posts: 1678
Location: Schnecksville, PA

PostPosted: Sat Oct 29, 2005 1:57 pm    Post subject: Re: ATM Machine Instructions Reply with quote

I think that is really funny. All the best...

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