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Life Explained
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Ominivision1
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2011 5:37 am    Post subject: Life Explained Reply with quote

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. Very Happy

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cbsweeney
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Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 197
Location: New York

PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:36 am    Post subject: Re: Life Explained Reply with quote

How True! I only have 8 years left to slave in the sun before I have to do Monkey tricks..... So I got that going for me.....

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diesel
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Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Posts: 90
Location: Watsontown Pa.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2011 10:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Life Explained Reply with quote

holy sh1t! I only have one more year to bark.
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9239
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Jul 13, 2011 1:33 am    Post subject: Re: Life Explained Reply with quote

thats frightningly accurate.
thanks for the chuckle.

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Ominivision1
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 13, 2011 12:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Life Explained Reply with quote

diesel wrote:
holy sh1t! I only have one more year to bark.

ROFL ROFL

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