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I Don't Understand
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 2:07 pm    Post subject: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him
a solution. He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The
new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, "yes, I can put
you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his
hotel. The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells,
"You swine, you gave me a woman's ears." "Well, an ear is an ear, it
makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."

"You're wrong,
I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Aloysius
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Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2440
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 2:14 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

still playing dangerous games?
Beware of the "Suz-effect" Smile
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Ominivision1
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Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 2:19 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

I'm waiting Very Happy Very Happy

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6400
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:08 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

Very Happy Brave man.

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A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11395
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:28 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

What's yer preference? Roses or daisys

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
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Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:38 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

I think I have some calla lillies on hand.....there'll be no decorating tho. Funny you came up with that "joke" as the real experience I had today was very similar. I was making an orthodontic appliance today and went to get the Dr.'s approval on the tooth set-up. There were two teeth missing from my set-up and we had already discussed that I was going to substitute a block of wax in their place, and make the appliance on that. We went around about 6 times over and over and he never understood what the heck I was doing. I learned that to get along with him you have to let him say his piece, use the information his gives you and even if it's wrong, don't argue or set him straight, just do what you know is right and go on with it. It always works out and the issues he has are not with you but he's pressed for time and can't think on his feet when things get confusing for him so he repeats his insane instructions over and over until you say "oh....ok....uh thanks". He peeed me off so bad today I was ready to walk. I didn't....we're cool. Tell ya what tho...It Aint Just Women! Oh what I would do to be able to sit down with him and hash things out, but he's my boss and I need employment. Yer off the hook Omni, but I'd guard my back side if I were you.....seems some of the fellas wanna get you some flowers! HHHHhhhmmmmm

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
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Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:55 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

Hiding

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A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11395
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 6:08 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

Sue's mind is gettin' mushy in her old age...

If she goes that easy on Omni then I guess I'm pretty safe here.

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
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Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:04 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

Yes I did have a birthday in August! Thanks for the reminder BushyM and thank you for the........well you sent me somethin a long time ago and I really have enjoyed the view ever since, it will last me many more years too. Only thing mushy on me is...well you know....use your imagination.

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15725
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:06 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

....but for how long Bushy. wtf Hiding

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9261
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 11:18 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

there is a HUGE difference in how we hear and interprit what we have heard. its not that men or women are wrong we just process things differently.
this advice I gave to my wife and daughter early on and it makes our lives alot easier as the resentment from misunderstandings are less.
If a woman says to a man who is sitting drinking beer and watching the sport on TV " dear can you mow the lawns"
he will answer "yes dear" and continue drinking beer and watching TV.
why BECAUSE the question has been answered. end of discussion no further action needed....
how is this you ask? the women asked is he able to mow the lawns= capably of doing it. yes of course he is.
that is how the male brain processes that request. what she ment and would be much better off saying is "will you mow the lawns"
now that is a request to go and mow the lawns.. he can either say yes or no in which case he better hope the dog box is large!!!
the trick is to replace c words can or could with w words will and would.
plurry good joke by the way.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11395
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 6:47 am    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

WOW!! That sure solves the world problems of how men and women think. Thanks Elvis...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 2656
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 6:22 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

I just say no to allthe c's and w's ---------------------------I get my new ears monday

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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6400
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 9:56 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

Thanks Elvis, I'll remember the next time SWMBO ask me to do something..
I may then eat cold shoulder for dinner, but I think it will be worth it.

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 4330
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:19 pm    Post subject: Re: I Don't Understand Reply with quote

A real good book to read if you want to understand the art of communicating with the other gender is:

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" It talks about how and why we communicate differently. It also helps if you place some importance on the request by using time ranges or at least calendar dates. My wife knows that if she wants me to do something she has to say when she wants it done. If that doesn't fit my schedule then we can reach a compromise or if she needs it done before I can do it she is free to do it herself. If it has to be done on a specific schedule then the scheduler has to be willing to do it.

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Paul
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