HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: deadboy
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 0
Overall: 12422

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 114
BOT: 5
Total: 119
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Forums
02: Forums
03: Forums
04: Forums
05: Forums
06: Forums
07: Statistics
08: Photo Albums
09: Photo Albums
10: Forums
11: Forums
12: Forums
13: Forums
14: Forums
15: Home
16: Forums
17: Your Account
18: Forums
19: Forums
20: Forums
21: Forums
22: Forums
23: Forums
24: Forums
25: Forums
26: Forums
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Forums
30: Forums
31: PointBlank Ballistics
32: Forums
33: Forums
34: Photo Albums
35: Forums
36: Forums
37: Forums
38: Forums
39: Forums
40: Forums
41: Forums
42: Forums
43: Photo Albums
44: Forums
45: Forums
46: Forums
47: Forums
48: Forums
49: Forums
50: Forums
51: Forums
52: Forums
53: Photo Albums
54: Forums
55: Forums
56: Forums
57: Forums
58: Your Account
59: Forums
60: Forums
61: Forums
62: News
63: Forums
64: Forums
65: Forums
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Forums
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Photo Albums
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Forums
75: Forums
76: Forums
77: Photo Albums
78: Forums
79: Forums
80: Forums
81: Forums
82: Forums
83: Your Account
84: Your Account
85: Forums
86: Forums
87: Photo Albums
88: Forums
89: Forums
90: Forums
91: Forums
92: Photo Albums
93: Forums
94: Forums
95: Forums
96: Photo Albums
97: Forums
98: Forums
99: Forums
100: Forums
101: Forums
102: Forums
103: Forums
104: Photo Albums
105: Forums
106: Photo Albums
107: Forums
108: Forums
109: Forums
110: Forums
111: Forums
112: Photo Albums
113: Photo Albums
114: Home
  BOT:
01: Photo Albums
02: PointBlank Online
03: PointBlank Ballistics
04: Forums
05: Photo Albums

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 300
 Pictures: 2357
  · Views: 274945
  · Votes: 1295
  · Comments: 86
 

Support our Advertisers

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Go to page 1, 2  Next
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12983
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:17 am    Post subject: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

-------------------

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

-------------------

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen! Bow Worship Salute Salute

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 8:08 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

Here's my message back to the queen. Fart Flag

_________________
Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10247
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 9:11 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

We already fought that war.........And we won.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
DallanC
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: Jan 18, 2005
Posts: 3107
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 9:33 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

As wierd as all that monarchy stuff is to me... I gotta say, I was impressed recently reading an article where the Queen drove herself in her own car over to an area for some pheasant hunting. I loved that she does indeed hunt, and that she'll get behind the wheel and drive her own butt over there rather than make it a parade procession or something with guards and the like.

A wave from this side of the pond.


-DallanC
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
radar
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1091
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 1:28 pm    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

Jeez Vince,
I thought you were a Republican and all for untying the bonds that HRH and mother England placed upon us uncouth south pacific brethren.
Wasn't it Aussies that coined the phrase 'whinging poms'

PML at that one!.

_________________
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail Photo Gallery
PaulS
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3375
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:40 pm    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

You magesty,
I was wondering if you might be available to pay me a visit for tea and crumpets on Thursday of next week. I would like to show you my collection of potatoe pealers. Feel free to bring your tax collector along as I am sure he would be amazed at my collection as well.
Your trusting servant,
Paul

Maybe I should call them potato mashers.... they come in 12 and 20 gauge but are not "proper" shotguns. Very Happy

_________________
Paul
__________________
Speer, Lyman, Hodgdon, Sierra, and Hornady = reliable loading data
So and So's pages on the internet = NOT reliable loading data
Always check data against manuals
NEVER exceed maximum listed loads
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail
tikkat3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 690

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:08 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

God Bless Her
Back to top
View user's profile
10spotterminator
Member
Member


Joined: Aug 27, 2008
Posts: 167
Location: Redmond, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:30 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

BUGGERS !!!

We would be in sheep dip indeed ! Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile
Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6891
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 3:11 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

oh jollie good show old chap.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
Back to top
View user's profile
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 9:57 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

Doing that would save these folk the trouble ... Very Happy

Quote::
Any time the Republicans come into power in the United States, the common refrain from Democrats is "I'm moving to Canada."

The same thing happens when Democrats win — GOP supporters throw up their arms and look north for 'salvation.'

Tuesday's re-election of President Barack Obama has elicited the same response.

Several disgruntled Americans took to Twitter — before and after the results — to share their plans:

My dad is honestly looking for houses in Canada to move to if Obama gets elected again. You guys I'm legit moving to Canada if Obama wins... — Taylor Sexton (@taylorcsexton) November 2, 2012

thts it if Obama wins im moving to Canada or the UK #nomorebama — Dani Moore (@Dan1m00r3) November 7, 2012

I better start getting the spare room set up for my Grandma. She told me if Obama wins again that she was moving up to Canada. #Obama2012 — Jamie - Invis PG (@JamieInvisPG) November 7, 2012

Mashable listed some the more funnier 'moving to Canada' tweets over the past week. Here are some of my favourites:

To everyone that says they are moving to Canada if Obama wins, why not Jamaica? It's much warmer... — Dylan Reeves (@Dylan_Reeves) November 6, 2012

I am moving to Canada no matter who wins. It just seems nice. — Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) November 6, 2012

Y'all are STILL tweeting "If Romney wins, I'm moving to Canada" KNOWING damn well you can't even move outta your mom's house. CHILL — Yung Gunn 2 Raw(@YungGunn2Raw) November 1, 2012

Apparently, it's not just all talk.

According to Canadian/U.S. immigration attorney Michael Niren, some people actually act on their 'threats' of moving north of the border.

He recently told Yahoo! Canada News that he used to get "a lot of calls" from unhappy Democrats when George W. Bush was in office.

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website Photo Gallery
Aloysius
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2024
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:20 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

God shave the Queen!


Smile
Back to top
View user's profile
DallanC
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: Jan 18, 2005
Posts: 3107
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:38 am    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

Aloysius wrote:
God shave the Queen!


Smile

That would be Capitol Punishment for someone I think...


-DallanC
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
tikkat3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 690

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 3:57 pm    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

'God save the Queen' was the National Anthem I sang everyday before school and is still the only Anthem I know.
Back to top
View user's profile
English Mike
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1100
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:04 pm    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

TBH I'd much prefer we reverted to a truly Monarchist system back on our side of the Pond.
I'm damn' sure a drip like Cameron would never make it to First Minister & any signs of socialism would be landed upon from a great height with both feet.

There's no way it could be worse than this so-called "democracy", where every idle sod gets to vote themselves a slice of the wealth of others. Mad Mad



PS HRH was only joking about the gas prices - it'll only be $8 because your gallon is smaller than a proper one. Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile
1895ss
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: West of Here!!

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:15 pm    Post subject: Re: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN Reply with quote

Vince wrote:


God Save the Queen! Bow Worship Salute Salute
she looks like the old bag she is.......!!!!!!!!!!!! She is a wanna be in my books! The queen or king crap should have been done away with years ago,,,, it's B.S. They need to get real jobs. Hurray for the U.S. for kickin' the s h i t out of the British many many years ago. I wish Canada had done the same........ we'd be a better country today if we had. Yep that's how I "really" feel.........!!!!!!! Mad

_________________
A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 2
All times are GMT - 7 Hours
Go to page 1, 2  Next



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Advertisements
 


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by Dizfunkshunal :.