1. Lifetime is already cowering down to the President.....

In response to President Obama's complaint that Lifetime doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on their network, Lifetime has announced that they will now air "America's Most Wanted" TWICE a week.

2. The Lone Ranger and Tonto find themselves surrounded by hundreds of hostile Indians.

The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and says, "What do we do now, Tonto?"

Tonto replies, "What do you mean 'we,' Paleface?"

3. An Arab enters a taxi..........

Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ........
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.
The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?”
The cabby answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis. So get the hell out and wait for a camel.”

4. A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to The ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man reaches into his pocket and

Pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man Says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and A salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and Places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered Me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money Would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a Million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

oh dear...... plenty of herl for fly tying I spose..lol

I would never have asked for a woman who agrees with everything I said... There would be no reason to punish her.

I like a woman with a little fight in her, but only after she is tied.

Kinky Paul. Kinky...

Its always the quiet ones.......ll