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IDIOTS
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14308
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:17 pm    Post subject: IDIOTS Reply with quote

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman, KS.
_____________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City!
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked:
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
_______________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the
street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
___________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.
She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
____________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
_______________________________________________________
STAY ALERT!

They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE


Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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sniper
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 18, 2005
Posts: 735
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 10:21 am    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
_______________________________________________________
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE
Cheers, Vince

ROFL
Vince:
That's like the person who tried to explain to a coworker that insulated "coolers" keep warm things warm, and cold things cold. The reply? "HOW does it know?" Shocked
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yotebuster
Member
Member


Joined: Oct 16, 2005
Posts: 216
Location: Georgia

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 2:57 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

IDIOTS IN THE BANK

Like the blonde woman that walked into the bank to purchase some Travelers Checks. The teller said no problem, what denomination do you want?
The blonde woman paused for a moment, then said, "Chrisitian!"
Name withheld to protect the guilty.
LOL
YB Very Happy Very Happy

_________________
May all your Bloodtrails be Vertical!
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10824
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:36 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

Wife??? I'm married to a blonde too...Makes life interesting... Hiding

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Crackshot
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 23, 2005
Posts: 1693
Location: Mich

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:00 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

I'm married to a red head, Makes life Deadly!...........have two red headed Daughters as well.

_________________
The human mind is the weapon, the gun is just one of its tools.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10824
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:08 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

My brother had two daughters. He hated it and ran as fast as he could to the local tavern when all three were pmsing.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5910

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:10 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

Idoits are all over Shocked Kinda scary isnt it ?? Confused

Sometimes I wonder how they get through school and college. wtf

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10824
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:16 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

Anybody can get through higher education. Dimitri. Some of them even start college with a smiggen of common sense, but seem to loose it by graduation.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5910

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:19 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

Bushmaster,

Atleast I wont be one of them Very Happy

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10824
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:22 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

I hope not. Mind you. I have nothing against higher education. I think it's great if you can. I have one.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14308
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 6:34 pm    Post subject: Re: IDIOTS Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
My brother had two daughters. He hated it and ran as fast as he could to the local tavern when all three were pmsing.

Mate I have FOUR daughters Shocked ....and of course them and the missus synchronised (don't know how they do that Confused ). I'd crawl a mile over broken glass to get away when they started !! Very Happy Very Happy

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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