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This virus things starting too get to us
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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pete4d
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 848
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2020 10:03 am    Post subject: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

This virus things starting too get to us : Scratch



Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.
The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.
Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter -—— The Living Room or The Bedroom

Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher
fired for drinking on the job.

I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from
Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.
It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.
I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.
You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.
I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee
it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I’m so excited -— it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.
I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer
for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t
have the same teacher next year”.... I’m offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under!!!!!!!!!!

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. up-date

The secret to enjoying life is to never take it too seriously, as you will never make it out alive!

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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pete4d
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 848
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2020 10:11 am    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

Another ,,,,because it's FRIDAY,,,,,,,

A senior citizen
said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?
‘Nope!’ ‘This woman, is she good looking?’ ‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’ ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’ ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’ ‘Because she can still drive!’

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. up-date

The secret to enjoying life is to never take it too seriously, as you will never make it out alive!

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 2200
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2020 12:54 pm    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

ROFL ROFL ROFL

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11013
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2020 8:11 am    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

Thanks Pete.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8356
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2020 2:19 pm    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

rightho for you folks in lockdown......put your camper up in backyard....its amazing how different it is just being "out of the house" I spent most of my weekends out there,reading or snoozing....a couple of hours out snoozing with sun on the back makes a man feel great...I was fortunate enough to work right through the 8 weeks BUT couldnt venture anywhere during weekends...we now 101 days without community transmission and all cases we getting are from folks coming home from overseas..so far it has been picked up in the 14days enforced quarantine.....its costing,but its working...for now

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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English Mike
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1605
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2020 6:27 pm    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

People keep asking why the UK couldn't have acted like NZ, the same people who say we should be welcoming illegal immigrants & economic migrants with open arms (235 detected & apprehended on Wednesday, then given a free ride the rest of the way across the Channel...).

They also "forget" the UK is a major global transport hub & multiple other reasons we couldn't just shut everything down.

There's stupid, then there's socialists (who lie & call themselves "liberals")...
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8356
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2020 10:44 pm    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

we acted too slow as it was.....and appear to be too soft now.... and one day we still have to face it head on unless a immunization comes about before it gets in again.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11013
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2020 11:00 pm    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

*Yawn* It's bed time guys. Good night.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8099
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2020 5:41 pm    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

A guy kept coming to work after his wife tested positive (without tell anyone). Then he started not feeling well but still came into work (yes with a mask). They sent him right home and started deep cleaning the room. But he had talk with a few people. Some were sent home to quarantine but it was based on time in the presence of the infected. One guy who was with him for only a couple of minutes was allowed to continue working instead of being sent home. He then flew to California to work and did a side visit to his family. After a week in CA, he flew back to TX and continue to work. The rest of his family went to a different part of CA to visit with his in-laws/her family. Now he has tested positive close to the 14th day after contact and infected his wife and kids, his family, who knows who else at work. He is home but his wife and kids are quarantining at her family in CA. They did one flight on an airplane. He did two. This is why I've been working from home and have not traveled by air.

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8356
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2020 1:30 am    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

do you guys remember the horrible time during the 80s when AIDs was rife???
there was a TV add that has stuck in my mind ever since...vocal went something like this
this is the woman who married a man ,who slept with his secretary who had been with a man ,who went on a business trip to bankock in 1981and had sex with a prostitute who shared needles with her flatmate WHO HAD AIDs......
this virus jumps host much easier than that.....just as hard to trace n control.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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pete4d
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 848
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2020 4:30 am    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
do you guys remember the horrible time during the 80s when AIDs was rife???
there was a TV add that has stuck in my mind ever since...vocal went something like this
this is the woman who married a man ,who slept with his secretary who had been with a man ,who went on a business trip to bankock in 1981and had sex with a prostitute who shared needles with her flatmate WHO HAD AIDs......
this virus jumps host much easier than that.....just as hard to trace n control.

Elvis,, Maybe some of you remember this movie back in 2003 .... how does this sound like whats happening now? Scratch Food for thought !

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUS_6e-Z5D0

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. up-date

The secret to enjoying life is to never take it too seriously, as you will never make it out alive!

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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Loke
Member
Member


Joined: May 13, 2013
Posts: 161

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2020 12:13 pm    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

Do you all remember the big swine flu (H1N1) pandemic of 2009? Where in the US, 58,000,000 people got the disease and there was a 1% mortality rate?Do you remember how they mandated all kind of testing and shut down the world and the most prosperous economy ever and made everyone wear masks and canceled church but let protestors destroy all of the cities and rewrite history?

_________________
Life is too short to carry an ugly gun.
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Elvis
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Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8356
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2020 11:13 pm    Post subject: Re: This virus things starting too get to us Reply with quote

YES.....double standards all right.
we have got cases again...one family in Auckland and they work in different places and kids go to different schools...dont know where they got virus from yet....back to higher levels of alert again....

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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