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Outdoor Plants
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Shipster
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Joined: Dec 15, 2006
Posts: 26
Location: Oregon

PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 2:28 pm    Post subject: Outdoor Plants Reply with quote

Outdoor Plants

Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes can be dangerous.
Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants.
During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to
protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden
in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the
wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream!

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living
room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake
under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He
thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up,
told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in,
wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and
started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the
Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.
That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so
she called on a neighbor. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed
himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon
he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in
relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions,
where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the
snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to
use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from
shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's
mouth


and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned
goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed
stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her
neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she
assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a
small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man,
smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They
were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all
happened over a little green snake.


The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor
and his sobbing wife.

The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of
the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.

He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table
fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a
fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell
through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled,
jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to
avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who
called the fire department. The firemen started raising the fire truck
ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore
out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the
telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house
fire out).

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the
house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and
all was right with their world

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman
announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he
thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

That's when he shot her.

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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906

PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 2:40 pm    Post subject: Re: Outdoor Plants Reply with quote

Interesting ending but other then that Haha

Dimitri

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4rum
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Joined: Jan 06, 2007
Posts: 211

PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 2:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Outdoor Plants Reply with quote

I hate when that happens Shocked
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tracker
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 3:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Outdoor Plants Reply with quote

What became of the snake?

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Dimitri
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Posts: 5906

PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 3:48 pm    Post subject: Re: Outdoor Plants Reply with quote

The snake now under the couch eats the popcorn, chips, pretzels and drinks the beer the husband spills in the living room while watching the football game with his buddies on sunday. I'd imagine. Very Happy

Dimitri

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tracker
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 10:09 am    Post subject: Re: Outdoor Plants Reply with quote

I'm glad things worked out so well for the snake!

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 10:12 am    Post subject: Re: Outdoor Plants Reply with quote

When I was in grade 2, I caught a live garter snake and left it in my teacher's desk as an expression of my gratitude to her. Shoule have seen the look on her face when she opened that drawer. I never saw anything move so fast as that poor little snake slithering out of that room. She never did thank me. Principal strapped me though, guess they figured I was the culprit by how hard I was laughing.

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