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THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:45 pm    Post subject: THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY Reply with quote

See how many apply to you...me, about 102% of them at one time or another. Very Happy Laughing

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

* Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

* Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

* Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

* Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

* Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

* Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

* Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

* Law of Close Encounters-The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

* Law of the Result -When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

* Law of Biomechanics- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

* Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

* The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

* Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

* Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

* Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

* Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

* Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

* Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Cheers, Vince

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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d_hoffman
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 13, 2007
Posts: 696
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio

PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:10 pm    Post subject: Re: THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY Reply with quote

Vince, you know me too well.

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The best form of gun control...aim straight!!!
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whittling
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Apr 21, 2008
Posts: 586
Location: Texas (home state is Mass)

PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:24 am    Post subject: Re: THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY Reply with quote

Good one

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Service, honor and courage, without these a warrior is nothing.
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pth1947
Member
Member


Joined: Aug 29, 2005
Posts: 54
Location: southern Arkansas

PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:22 am    Post subject: Re: THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY Reply with quote

every one more than I cam remember

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Don't worry you'll never get out of this world alive
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OntheLasGallinas
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 23, 2007
Posts: 1042
Location: South Texas

PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:39 am    Post subject: Re: THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY Reply with quote

This one should be called Obama's Law: Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Cary

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