HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: RichardZ
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 0
Overall: 13126

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 558
BOT: 0
Total: 558
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Forums
02: Photo Albums
03: Photo Albums
04: Forums
05: Your Account
06: Forums
07: Home
08: Photo Albums
09: Forums
10: Your Account
11: Home
12: Forums
13: Forums
14: Forums
15: Forums
16: Forums
17: Forums
18: Your Account
19: Home
20: Your Account
21: Home
22: Your Account
23: Forums
24: Forums
25: Forums
26: Forums
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Home
30: Forums
31: Forums
32: Forums
33: Forums
34: Home
35: Photo Albums
36: Forums
37: Home
38: Forums
39: Forums
40: Your Account
41: Forums
42: Forums
43: Forums
44: Forums
45: Forums
46: Forums
47: Forums
48: Forums
49: Forums
50: Home
51: Forums
52: Forums
53: Forums
54: Forums
55: Forums
56: Your Account
57: Forums
58: Forums
59: Forums
60: Forums
61: Forums
62: Forums
63: Forums
64: Forums
65: Forums
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Your Account
69: Forums
70: Your Account
71: Forums
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Your Account
75: Photo Albums
76: Forums
77: Forums
78: Forums
79: Forums
80: Forums
81: Your Account
82: Forums
83: Forums
84: Forums
85: Forums
86: Photo Albums
87: Your Account
88: Forums
89: Photo Albums
90: Forums
91: Forums
92: Forums
93: Forums
94: Forums
95: Forums
96: Forums
97: Photo Albums
98: Forums
99: Forums
100: Your Account
101: Your Account
102: Forums
103: Forums
104: Forums
105: Your Account
106: Forums
107: Your Account
108: Forums
109: Forums
110: Home
111: Forums
112: Forums
113: Home
114: Forums
115: Home
116: Home
117: Forums
118: Photo Albums
119: Your Account
120: Your Account
121: Home
122: Forums
123: Your Account
124: Forums
125: Forums
126: Forums
127: Forums
128: Forums
129: Forums
130: Forums
131: Home
132: Photo Albums
133: Forums
134: Forums
135: Photo Albums
136: Forums
137: Photo Albums
138: Forums
139: Forums
140: Forums
141: Forums
142: Forums
143: Forums
144: Forums
145: Forums
146: Forums
147: Your Account
148: Home
149: Forums
150: Forums
151: Forums
152: Your Account
153: Forums
154: Forums
155: Forums
156: Photo Albums
157: Forums
158: Forums
159: Forums
160: Forums
161: Forums
162: Forums
163: Your Account
164: Forums
165: Forums
166: Forums
167: Forums
168: Forums
169: Your Account
170: Your Account
171: Forums
172: Forums
173: Forums
174: Forums
175: Forums
176: Forums
177: Forums
178: Your Account
179: Forums
180: Forums
181: Forums
182: Photo Albums
183: Forums
184: Forums
185: Forums
186: Forums
187: Photo Albums
188: Forums
189: Forums
190: Forums
191: Forums
192: Home
193: Your Account
194: Home
195: Forums
196: Photo Albums
197: Forums
198: Forums
199: Forums
200: Forums
201: Forums
202: Forums
203: Forums
204: Home
205: Your Account
206: Forums
207: Forums
208: Your Account
209: Forums
210: Photo Albums
211: Forums
212: Forums
213: Photo Albums
214: Photo Albums
215: Forums
216: Your Account
217: Forums
218: Forums
219: Forums
220: Forums
221: Forums
222: Home
223: Forums
224: Your Account
225: Forums
226: Home
227: Forums
228: Forums
229: Forums
230: Forums
231: Forums
232: News
233: Photo Albums
234: Home
235: Photo Albums
236: Forums
237: Home
238: Forums
239: Photo Albums
240: Photo Albums
241: Forums
242: Photo Albums
243: Forums
244: Forums
245: Forums
246: Forums
247: Forums
248: Your Account
249: Forums
250: Forums
251: Forums
252: Forums
253: Forums
254: Forums
255: Your Account
256: Forums
257: Forums
258: Photo Albums
259: Forums
260: Your Account
261: Photo Albums
262: Forums
263: Photo Albums
264: Forums
265: Your Account
266: Forums
267: Forums
268: Your Account
269: Home
270: Forums
271: Photo Albums
272: Home
273: Forums
274: Forums
275: Forums
276: Forums
277: Home
278: Your Account
279: Forums
280: Your Account
281: Forums
282: Forums
283: Forums
284: Forums
285: Forums
286: Forums
287: Your Account
288: Forums
289: Forums
290: Your Account
291: Forums
292: Forums
293: Home
294: Photo Albums
295: Forums
296: Photo Albums
297: Photo Albums
298: Forums
299: Forums
300: Home
301: Forums
302: Forums
303: Forums
304: Home
305: Forums
306: Forums
307: Forums
308: Forums
309: Forums
310: Home
311: Forums
312: Forums
313: Your Account
314: Forums
315: Forums
316: Forums
317: Forums
318: Forums
319: Your Account
320: Forums
321: Forums
322: Forums
323: Home
324: Forums
325: Forums
326: Forums
327: Forums
328: Your Account
329: Forums
330: Your Account
331: Forums
332: Forums
333: Your Account
334: Forums
335: Forums
336: Forums
337: Your Account
338: Forums
339: Statistics
340: Forums
341: Forums
342: Your Account
343: Photo Albums
344: Forums
345: Home
346: Forums
347: Forums
348: Forums
349: Forums
350: Your Account
351: Forums
352: Forums
353: Forums
354: Your Account
355: Your Account
356: Your Account
357: Your Account
358: Forums
359: Forums
360: Forums
361: Forums
362: Forums
363: Forums
364: Forums
365: Forums
366: Forums
367: Home
368: News
369: Forums
370: Forums
371: Forums
372: Forums
373: Home
374: Forums
375: Forums
376: Photo Albums
377: Forums
378: Your Account
379: Forums
380: Forums
381: Forums
382: Forums
383: Forums
384: Photo Albums
385: Forums
386: Forums
387: Forums
388: Forums
389: Forums
390: Forums
391: Forums
392: Home
393: Forums
394: Forums
395: Forums
396: Photo Albums
397: Home
398: Home
399: Forums
400: Home
401: Forums
402: Forums
403: Forums
404: Forums
405: Home
406: Forums
407: Forums
408: Forums
409: Photo Albums
410: Forums
411: Home
412: Your Account
413: Photo Albums
414: Photo Albums
415: Forums
416: Forums
417: Forums
418: Forums
419: Home
420: Forums
421: Your Account
422: Forums
423: Forums
424: Forums
425: Forums
426: Forums
427: Your Account
428: Forums
429: Forums
430: Photo Albums
431: Your Account
432: Your Account
433: Forums
434: Forums
435: Home
436: Your Account
437: Forums
438: Forums
439: Forums
440: Photo Albums
441: Forums
442: Forums
443: Forums
444: Forums
445: Forums
446: Forums
447: Statistics
448: Forums
449: Home
450: Forums
451: Forums
452: Forums
453: Forums
454: Forums
455: Home
456: Forums
457: Forums
458: Forums
459: Forums
460: Your Account
461: Forums
462: Forums
463: Your Account
464: Forums
465: Forums
466: Your Account
467: Photo Albums
468: Your Account
469: Forums
470: Forums
471: Your Account
472: Forums
473: Forums
474: Forums
475: Photo Albums
476: Forums
477: Forums
478: Forums
479: Forums
480: Forums
481: Forums
482: Forums
483: Forums
484: Forums
485: Photo Albums
486: Forums
487: Home
488: Forums
489: Forums
490: Your Account
491: Your Account
492: Forums
493: Forums
494: Your Account
495: Home
496: Photo Albums
497: Home
498: Forums
499: Forums
500: Forums
501: Forums
502: Forums
503: Forums
504: Forums
505: Your Account
506: Your Account
507: Forums
508: Photo Albums
509: Forums
510: Forums
511: Forums
512: Home
513: Forums
514: Forums
515: Forums
516: Forums
517: Forums
518: Forums
519: Forums
520: Forums
521: Forums
522: Home
523: Home
524: Forums
525: Forums
526: Forums
527: Forums
528: Forums
529: Photo Albums
530: Forums
531: Photo Albums
532: Your Account
533: Photo Albums
534: Your Account
535: Home
536: Home
537: Forums
538: Forums
539: Forums
540: Forums
541: Forums
542: Forums
543: Forums
544: Forums
545: Forums
546: News
547: Home
548: Your Account
549: Photo Albums
550: Home
551: Home
552: Forums
553: Forums
554: Forums
555: Forums
556: Forums
557: Forums
558: Your Account

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 308
 Pictures: 2451
  · Views: 820725
  · Votes: 1316
  · Comments: 86
 

Simple Duties
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Go to page 1, 2  Next
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 6:44 am    Post subject: Simple Duties Reply with quote

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played: it doesn't do any good to complain about the rules.
Simple Duties

* You make the bed (+1)
* But forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

* You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)

* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
* In the snow (+8)
* But return with beer (-5)

* You check out a suspicious noise at night (1)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+10)
* You pummel it with a six iron (+10 more)
* It's her toy poodle (-50)

Social Engagements At a Party

* You stay by her side the entire party (0)
* You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
* Named Tiffany (-5)
* Who's now a dancer (-10)
* She spends the entire time telling you about her new implants (-15)

Her Birthday

* You take her out to dinner (0)
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
* Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
* And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)

Dating

* You take her to a movie (+1)
* You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
* You take her to a movie you hate (+5)
* You take her to a movie you like (-2)
* It's called DeathCop 9 (-3)
* Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique

* You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
* You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
* You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
* You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)

Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem

* You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
* You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+50)
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"

* You hesitate in responding (-10)
* You reply, "Where?" (-35)
* You reply, "Compared to what?" (-50)
* Any other response (-20)

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
slots918
Member
Member


Joined: Jun 28, 2008
Posts: 138

PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:57 am    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

No wonder I'm a loser
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8314
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 2:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

Ah, yes. The proverbial question for which there is no right answer!!
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
metz3601
Member
Member


Joined: Oct 31, 2008
Posts: 81

PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 6:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

wait a min here.... there are way too many ways to loose points, and only a couple ways to get them.... and they all take effort.... thats not fair...
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
chambered221
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 17, 2007
Posts: 3455
Location: Lost for good !!!

PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 6:50 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

wtf You learn quick !!! Question is: What will you do with all that knowledge ???


Smart man says yes dear Bow

_________________
Ask as many people needed, sooner or later your question will be answered the way you want it answered !!!

A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government.
~George Washington
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8314
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:40 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

chambered221 wrote:
Smart man says yes dear :bow:

The secret to a happy marriage!
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3323
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:04 am    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

I swear Vince you've got a short memory, we've been all through this before!! The point system is set up for rewarding. The reward is at the woman's discretion, the reward is not remotely related to beer, snacks, (eating in general) TV, football, baseball, basketball, alright sports in general, hiking, voting democrat, gardening, painting, horseshoes, darts, flying, driving, swimming, surfing (sorry Bondi and Malibu), electrical maintenance, oil changing, getting a ladder and hip high rubber boots, woodworking, welding, tire changing, (I thought that was one word) re-setting the VCR, dog walking, saving the planet, cat sitting, (who wants to sit on a cat anyway) computer surfing, getting some aid for Haiti (they have enough aids) stamp collecting, shoe polishing, well I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on, but as a woman and as always, I'm never long-winded or overstating my objectives, I'm just getting to the facts at hand and laying it on the line, as I know people round here don't like reading so much rhetoric that has nothing to do with the subject and believe me I'll always honor that with the greatest respect for a person's time and interest. Funny I was reading a book the other day from a guy that has a web site, the book is called Mentallly Incontinent it's pretty funny, his web address is HERE...where was I............oh yeah the reward.....for gettin points...well.... we'll be nice silly!


Harumphing
Suz

_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:31 am    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha

I love the way you soliloquise Suz...it is magnificent, and as usual straight to the point and pertinent...not to mention a bombastic display of eloquence.

You are totally correct when you say the point system is set up for rewarding and at the woman's discretion...even rewarding our indiscretions on occasion, albeit with silence or ignoring our existence (which some would claim to be a reward of sorts).

I will continue to do as I'm told by She Who Must Be Obeyed, lest I find myself being handed my butt in a sling.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11390
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:12 am    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

I got a +2...(?) What do I get?

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
TRBLSHTR
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1071
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:31 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

Very Happy HA ha;I'm up by 1000 points by my estimation......................just got rid of my controller yesterday!.....................never feed a stray,they will follow you home and not want to leave! wtf

_________________
"Tolerance becomes a crime when applied to evil." Thomas Mann
Back to top
View user's profile
gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6396
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 3:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

- 4570 !!

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website
Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 5001
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:32 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

I learned long ago that it its possible to sum up the way to keep a woman happy in two words...

YOU CAN'T!

_________________
Mike

"I ain't no better than anybody else, and there ain't nobody better than me!" Ma Kettle
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8314
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 6:56 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

Pumpkinslinger wrote:
the way to keep a woman happy in two words ... YOU CAN'T!

Pumpkinslinger, now that's just not fair. You can't stop trying.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3323
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

Bushy!! you made the bed twice! Good fer you! Or was it that you maid the bed twice? Well either case you should get a reward. Maybe you should be able to wash the dishes or some other nice reward.




smartypantz
Suz

_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
Back to top
View user's profile
Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 5001
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:55 pm    Post subject: Re: Simple Duties Reply with quote

Slim, I didn't say I stopped trying, just that it is impossible.

_________________
Mike

"I ain't no better than anybody else, and there ain't nobody better than me!" Ma Kettle
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 2
All times are GMT - 7 Hours
Go to page 1, 2  Next



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by *Dizfunkshunal* :.