Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
• Albums: 308
• Pictures: 2452 · Views: 824075 · Votes: 1316
· Comments: 86
|
Aussie LetterJokes, funny stories and general humor
View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
radar Super Member
Joined: Oct 01, 2008 Posts: 1109 Location: North Island New Zealand
|
Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2010 5:48 pm Post subject: Aussie Letter |
|
Please excuse the expletives but this is just sooo funny,
AUSTRALIAN LETTER OF THE YEAR
This is an actual letter sent to the then DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Minster, The Hon Alexander Downer and the then Immigration Minister, The Hon Amanda Vanstone. The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it nearly wet themselves laughing!
Please excuse the language contained within, but I suspect the author was somewhat upset? I’ll let you decide!
Dear Mr. Minister,
I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 40 years. It is also on my driver’s licence, on the last eight passports I’ve ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I’ve filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Audrey, my father’s name is Jack, and I’d be absolutely f===ing astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I’ve had enough of all this bullshit!
You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my f===ing address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture.. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can’t even grow a beard for God’s sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, ‘cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo... that’d be too f===ing easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some high-society wanker to confirm that it’s really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo.. the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! .....you f===ing morons
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I’m also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am; You know... someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN!!!...... a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the ‘right sort of government’.
You are all F===ing idiots!
_________________ People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
George Orwell |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gelandangan Super Member
Joined: May 07, 2006 Posts: 6397 Location: Sydney Australia
|
Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2010 7:23 pm Post subject: Re: Aussie Letter |
|
Nice way to tell the bureaucrats to wake up..
Not that it will happen anyway..
Seems like the letter will work in every country on earth.
Officiousness of the bureaucrat is inversely proportional to their importance in the office.
_________________ A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.
Do - Not try!
gelandangan.weebly.com/ |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11392 Location: Ava, Missouri
|
Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 8:19 am Post subject: Re: Aussie Letter |
|
WOW!! All you would have to do is exchange "Australian" with "American" and it would fly over (up) here.
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
|
Back to top |
|
|
44marty Super Member
Joined: Mar 20, 2009 Posts: 775 Location: Cheshire, MA; USA
|
Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 11:28 am Post subject: Re: Aussie Letter |
|
Yah. It's like government and logic are absolutre opposites. One of the reasons its so easy for people to get fake ID's is that there is absolutely no connection between birth certificates and death certificates. It's no wonder they have to take a census every few years.
And how come the government has such "accurate" numbers of the illegal aliens in the country? If they can count them, why can't they round them up and deport them?
NICE letter.
. . . and it's NOT about the money . . .
"Well, I have to go now, ‘cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION! "
Frosts my arse!!!
_________________ _____________________________________
The strength of the wolf is in the pack; the strength of the pack is in the wolf. ~ R. Kipling
I LOVE YOU, LADY LUCK !!! |
|
Back to top |
|
|
radar Super Member
Joined: Oct 01, 2008 Posts: 1109 Location: North Island New Zealand
|
Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 9:25 pm Post subject: Re: Aussie Letter |
|
Acutally, Ive been thinking about this.....was it you that wrote this letter Vince?......LOL it's typically Queensland in a lot of ways....
radar
_________________ People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
George Orwell |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15715 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
|
Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:54 pm Post subject: Re: Aussie Letter |
|
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
|
Back to top |
|
|
|
All times are GMT - 7 Hours
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum You cannot attach files in this forum You cannot download files in this forum
|