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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6398
Location: Sydney Australia
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 Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 2:46 am Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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GROOOOAN!!!
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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.
Do - Not try!
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9253
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 2:46 am Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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ok ok ok alright a joke with a hunting theme.
what do you call a deer with no eyes???
a no idea
how about a deer with no eyes and no legs????
a still no idea.....
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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 3:06 am Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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Regards
Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds. |
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2944
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:20 am Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob
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Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9253
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 1:36 pm Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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ok dhc4ever you started this one...
a Irishman with no hair?
SEAN
an Irishman with a spade?
DOUG
An Irishman without a spade?
Douglas
An Irishman holding a rabbit in each hand?
Warren
An Irishman standing in a pile of leaves?
Russel
and finally one for Suz
what do you call an Irishman with a short whizzer?
Justin....
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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1709
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 3:27 pm Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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What do you call...
....a woman who sets fire to her credit card bill?
Bernadette.
.....a man wearing a raincoat?
Mac
.....a man wearing two raincoats?
Max
.....a man wearing two raincoats & standing in a cemetery?
Max Bygraves (that's another one the Cousins will miss....).
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1709
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 3:31 pm Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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Two snowmen are standing in a field- one turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots?"
Last night I dreamed somebody was shouting "on your marks get set go" at me & I woke up with a start!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15717
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Elvis
Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9253
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:20 pm Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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hemeroids are just a bloody pain in the arse.
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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2944
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:36 pm Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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| Elvis wrote: |
| hemeroids are just a bloody pain in the arse. |
Spell that phonically in kiwi you get;
Himeroids are just a bloody pain in the arse.
Which would be correct, never let a "him" near your arse 
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Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
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Vince
Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15717
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:40 pm Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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Before we degenerate too far...I'll pop in another giggle.
The Outhouse
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out,
"Pa ! You need to go out and fix the outhouse !"
Pa replies,
"There ain't nuthin' wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back,
"Yes there is ,now git out there and fix it."
So Pa moseys out to the outhouse,looks around and yells back,
"Ma ! There ain't nuthin' wrong with the outhouse !"
"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole !"
 Pa yells back,
"I ain't stickin' my head in that hole !"
"Ma says,
"Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around  and yells back,
"Ma ! There ain't nuthin' wrong with this outhouse !"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole !"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, 
"Ma ! Help ! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat !"
To which Ma replies,
"Hurts, don't it ?!"   
Cheers, Vince
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Cheers, Vince 
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Elvis
Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9253
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 1:10 am Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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ouch...
the IRA had to stop thier members from trying to blow up cars.
too many were burning thier lips on the exhaust pipes.
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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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camel
Member
Joined: May 30, 2011
Posts: 129
Location: Hillston Nsw Australia
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| Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 1:52 am Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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What do you call a woman with one leg????
Eilene
What do you call a woman with no legs????
Noelene
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Gut shot rabbits aint worth jack shit. Camel
Opinions are like rear ends, every one has got one. |
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Elvis
Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9253
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 2:42 am Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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what do you call an owl with 1 leg longer than the other 1 wing shorter than the other 1 eye larger than the other?
(you have to use a maori accent and string it together)
Noteven Al
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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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English Mike
Super Member
Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1709
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK
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| Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 12:38 pm Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... |
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Good one matey. 
"If Dorothy found herself surrounded by those with no hearts, no brains and no courage, she wouldn’t be in Oz, she’d be in Congress."
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