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When you are over sixty
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15728
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:20 am    Post subject: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

When you are over sixty who gives a sh1t?

This a$$hole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds,had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.

"Come on, what day was I born"?

I said, “Yesterday."

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11395
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:51 am    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

Yup...Almost 70 and those would fit me to a tee...

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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TRBLSHTR
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Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1071
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:16 pm    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

Worship You still got it Vince!

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"Tolerance becomes a crime when applied to evil." Thomas Mann
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6403
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:07 pm    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

Very Happy

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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:32 pm    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

Very Happy

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Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 2656
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:47 pm    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

I can relate to that

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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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10spotterminator
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Joined: Aug 27, 2008
Posts: 167
Location: Redmond, Oregon

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:17 pm    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

Funny aint it how most of our good stuff starts out " There I was down at the bar" ... The part about the pool must have been right after leaving the bar, Right Vince ? Cheers Cheers Cheers Cheers ( Hic ! )

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It's not whether you win or lose... It's how you place the blame .
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9266
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:15 pm    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

awesome.

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15728
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 3:53 am    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

10spotterminator wrote:
Funny aint it how most of our good stuff starts out " There I was down at the bar" ... The part about the pool must have been right after leaving the bar, Right Vince ? Cheers Cheers Cheers Cheers ( Hic ! )

Ummm...could be 10spot. Laughing Laughing Cheers Cheers

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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lesterg3
Super Member
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Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1328
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 7:25 am    Post subject: Re: When you are over sixty Reply with quote

Yes!!!

_________________
"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson.

NRA Life Member
Vietnam War Vet 68-69
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