HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: RichardZ
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 0
Overall: 13126

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 509
BOT: 1
Total: 510
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: News
02: Forums
03: Forums
04: Home
05: Forums
06: Forums
07: Forums
08: Forums
09: Forums
10: Forums
11: Forums
12: Forums
13: Forums
14: Home
15: Forums
16: Home
17: Your Account
18: Forums
19: Forums
20: Photo Albums
21: Forums
22: Forums
23: Forums
24: Forums
25: Forums
26: Your Account
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Photo Albums
30: Forums
31: Photo Albums
32: Photo Albums
33: Home
34: Statistics
35: Forums
36: Home
37: Photo Albums
38: Forums
39: Forums
40: Photo Albums
41: Forums
42: Home
43: Forums
44: Forums
45: Your Account
46: Home
47: Forums
48: Forums
49: Forums
50: Home
51: Forums
52: Forums
53: Photo Albums
54: Your Account
55: Your Account
56: Forums
57: Forums
58: Forums
59: Your Account
60: Forums
61: Home
62: Forums
63: Forums
64: Forums
65: Forums
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Forums
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Your Account
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Your Account
75: Forums
76: Forums
77: Forums
78: Forums
79: Forums
80: Home
81: Photo Albums
82: Forums
83: Forums
84: Forums
85: Your Account
86: Forums
87: Forums
88: Your Account
89: Forums
90: Home
91: Forums
92: Home
93: Forums
94: Home
95: Forums
96: Forums
97: Forums
98: Forums
99: Forums
100: Forums
101: Your Account
102: Forums
103: Forums
104: Forums
105: Forums
106: Forums
107: Forums
108: Your Account
109: Home
110: Forums
111: Forums
112: Your Account
113: Home
114: Photo Albums
115: Forums
116: Forums
117: Forums
118: Home
119: Forums
120: Forums
121: Photo Albums
122: Forums
123: Forums
124: Forums
125: Home
126: Forums
127: Photo Albums
128: Forums
129: Forums
130: Forums
131: Forums
132: Forums
133: Your Account
134: Forums
135: Home
136: Home
137: Your Account
138: Forums
139: Forums
140: Forums
141: Photo Albums
142: Forums
143: Your Account
144: Forums
145: Your Account
146: Forums
147: Home
148: Your Account
149: Your Account
150: Photo Albums
151: Forums
152: Forums
153: Forums
154: Forums
155: Forums
156: Forums
157: Forums
158: Forums
159: Forums
160: Your Account
161: Forums
162: Forums
163: Forums
164: Forums
165: Forums
166: Forums
167: Forums
168: Forums
169: Forums
170: Forums
171: Forums
172: Forums
173: Forums
174: Forums
175: Photo Albums
176: Forums
177: Your Account
178: Forums
179: Forums
180: Forums
181: Forums
182: Photo Albums
183: Forums
184: Forums
185: Photo Albums
186: Forums
187: Forums
188: Photo Albums
189: Forums
190: Home
191: Forums
192: Forums
193: Forums
194: Forums
195: Your Account
196: Forums
197: Your Account
198: Forums
199: Forums
200: Home
201: Your Account
202: Home
203: Home
204: Your Account
205: Forums
206: Forums
207: Forums
208: Photo Albums
209: Forums
210: Home
211: Photo Albums
212: Forums
213: Home
214: Forums
215: Your Account
216: Forums
217: Home
218: Forums
219: Forums
220: Forums
221: Your Account
222: Forums
223: Your Account
224: Forums
225: Your Account
226: Forums
227: Forums
228: Forums
229: Photo Albums
230: Home
231: Home
232: Forums
233: Forums
234: Photo Albums
235: Forums
236: Forums
237: Photo Albums
238: Forums
239: Your Account
240: Forums
241: Forums
242: Home
243: Your Account
244: Forums
245: Forums
246: Forums
247: Your Account
248: Forums
249: Your Account
250: Forums
251: Home
252: Forums
253: Forums
254: Forums
255: Forums
256: Forums
257: Forums
258: Your Account
259: Home
260: Forums
261: Forums
262: Home
263: Forums
264: Forums
265: Forums
266: Forums
267: Forums
268: Forums
269: Forums
270: Forums
271: Your Account
272: Forums
273: Forums
274: Forums
275: Your Account
276: Forums
277: Forums
278: Forums
279: Forums
280: Forums
281: Forums
282: Home
283: Forums
284: Home
285: Forums
286: Forums
287: Forums
288: Forums
289: Forums
290: Forums
291: Forums
292: Your Account
293: Forums
294: Forums
295: Photo Albums
296: Forums
297: Forums
298: Forums
299: Your Account
300: Your Account
301: Your Account
302: Photo Albums
303: Forums
304: Forums
305: Forums
306: Forums
307: Forums
308: Forums
309: Home
310: Forums
311: Forums
312: Home
313: Your Account
314: Forums
315: Forums
316: Your Account
317: Photo Albums
318: Forums
319: Forums
320: News
321: Forums
322: Forums
323: Forums
324: Forums
325: Forums
326: Forums
327: Your Account
328: Forums
329: Your Account
330: Forums
331: Photo Albums
332: Forums
333: Photo Albums
334: Forums
335: Forums
336: Your Account
337: Forums
338: Forums
339: Forums
340: Forums
341: Your Account
342: Forums
343: Your Account
344: Forums
345: Photo Albums
346: Forums
347: Forums
348: Forums
349: Forums
350: Your Account
351: Forums
352: Forums
353: Forums
354: Forums
355: Your Account
356: Forums
357: Your Account
358: Photo Albums
359: Forums
360: Forums
361: Your Account
362: Forums
363: Your Account
364: Forums
365: Forums
366: Forums
367: Forums
368: Forums
369: Forums
370: Forums
371: Forums
372: Photo Albums
373: Forums
374: Your Account
375: Forums
376: Forums
377: Forums
378: Photo Albums
379: Forums
380: Forums
381: Photo Albums
382: Forums
383: Forums
384: Forums
385: Forums
386: Forums
387: Forums
388: Forums
389: Forums
390: Forums
391: Photo Albums
392: Forums
393: Forums
394: Photo Albums
395: Photo Albums
396: Forums
397: Home
398: Contact
399: Forums
400: Forums
401: Forums
402: Forums
403: Forums
404: Forums
405: Your Account
406: Forums
407: Forums
408: Forums
409: Forums
410: Forums
411: Forums
412: Home
413: Home
414: News
415: Forums
416: Forums
417: Forums
418: Home
419: Forums
420: Photo Albums
421: Forums
422: Your Account
423: Your Account
424: Photo Albums
425: Your Account
426: Forums
427: Forums
428: Statistics
429: Forums
430: Forums
431: Forums
432: Forums
433: Photo Albums
434: Forums
435: Your Account
436: Forums
437: Forums
438: Home
439: Forums
440: Forums
441: Forums
442: Forums
443: Forums
444: Your Account
445: Forums
446: Your Account
447: Home
448: Forums
449: Forums
450: Forums
451: Your Account
452: Forums
453: Forums
454: Forums
455: Photo Albums
456: Your Account
457: Forums
458: Home
459: Forums
460: Forums
461: Photo Albums
462: Forums
463: Your Account
464: Photo Albums
465: Your Account
466: Forums
467: Forums
468: Home
469: Forums
470: Your Account
471: Forums
472: Forums
473: Your Account
474: Forums
475: Forums
476: Forums
477: Forums
478: Your Account
479: Your Account
480: Forums
481: Your Account
482: Your Account
483: Photo Albums
484: Forums
485: Forums
486: Your Account
487: Forums
488: Forums
489: Forums
490: Forums
491: Forums
492: Forums
493: Forums
494: Forums
495: Home
496: Forums
497: Forums
498: Forums
499: Your Account
500: Home
501: Forums
502: Forums
503: Forums
504: Forums
505: Forums
506: Forums
507: Forums
508: Forums
509: Forums
  BOT:
01: Forums

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 308
 Pictures: 2451
  · Views: 820725
  · Votes: 1316
  · Comments: 86
 

Questions asked about Canada ...
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Go to page 1, 2  Next
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944

PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 8:39 pm    Post subject: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

As you know, Vancouver will host the 2010 Winter Olympics.

Here are some questions people from all over the world are asking.

Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an
International Tourism Website.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants
grow? (England)

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and
watch them die.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the
Railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)

A: What, did your last slave die?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night
in Calgary. Come naked.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, right after the hippo races. Come naked.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don't stink.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

------------------------
------------------------

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 10:57 pm    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Good one 'Mitri. We had similar type ridiculous questions asked about Australia prior to the Olympic Games in Sydney.
Things like..."Do kangaroos roam the streets and are they dangerous?"

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11390
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 6:44 am    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Yes...We know...You Aussies have always been hard to understand. Like swagmen around a billibong. And who the hell is Matilda??? Is she really good at waltzin'??

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944

PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 7:10 am    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Vince,

Everyone knows that in Canada we are all eskimo's that living in igloo's, wearing fur garments made out of bison hides and hunt seals, moose and bison to survive cause we don't got anything else to eat. And the weather is never above freezing, we just have 2 seasons "very cold winter" and "winter" so there is always snow on the ground for our buddies who think they can come in July to go skiing. wtf

Here is my igloo. wtf



As you can see its more of the traditional Canadian Freezing cold design, and I even got some ice sculptures to make it look better. ROFL :rofl2:

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 11:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Yes...We know...You Aussies have always been hard to understand. Like swagmen around a billibong. And who the hell is Matilda??? Is she really good at waltzin'??

Laughing Laughing Laughing

Gidday Bushy. Fair dinkum cobber....that particular song has people confused all around the world.

Now how do I approach this....are you dinki di, do you seriously not understand it, or are you just takin' the mickey outa me....pullin' me leg?

This is the ridgie didge meaning of the terms you mentioned:

swaggie./ swagman..someone who travelled the countryside looking for casual work and handouts, owning only a billy, clothes and his swag, ( as in the traditional song "Waltzing Matilda".....once a jolly swagman, camped by the billabong..) A swaggie is mostly "on the Wallaby track".

billabong...waterhole, offshoot of river

Matilda.....old term for a swag, bedroll ( as in "waltzing your Matilda" )

This link is not a complete listing of aussie slang or colloquialisms, but it will give you a bit of an idea about our terms.

Aussie Sayings and Slang Terms

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 5001
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 9:05 am    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Wow, and I thought them Yankees from New York City talked funny...

_________________
Mike

"I ain't no better than anybody else, and there ain't nobody better than me!" Ma Kettle
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11390
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 9:20 am    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

And here you are...In North Carolina and you talk about talkin' funny.. ROFL Hiding

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
A17Shooter
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 322
Location: California Foothills (Gold Country)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 11:18 am    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

To paraphrase an old saying.

The United States and the Commonwealth - a slew of countries separated by a common language!

When my ship made a port visit in Sydney, we were particularly cautioned about the Aussie phrase, "Knock me up". It seems that the U.S. translation and the Aussie, are quite different. We were told that in Australia it meant "Call me on the telephone.". Of course some of the ship's complement had to try it out.

_________________
_________________
A17Shooter
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 6:57 pm    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

A17Shooter wrote:
When my ship made a port visit in Sydney, we were particularly cautioned about the Aussie phrase, "Knock me up". It seems that the U.S. translation and the Aussie, are quite different. We were told that in Australia it meant "Call me on the telephone.". Of course some of the ship's complement had to try it out.

Gidday mate. When applied to the female of the species I would imagine that the phrase "Knock me up" means exactly the same here as it does over there.

Now to call someone on the Dog and Bone (phone) you would be saying:

give us a bell, phone me up, give us a tingle...but certainly not Knock me Up. Surprised

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944

PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 7:00 pm    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Well a girl saying she wants you to "knock her up" (get her pregnant) here is a pretty good way to make the guy RUN! not walk away. Laughing

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
A17Shooter
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 322
Location: California Foothills (Gold Country)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 7:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Vince wrote:

Gidday mate. When applied to the female of the species I would imagine that the phrase "Knock me up" means exactly the same here as it does over there.

Now to call someone on the Dog and Bone (phone) you would be saying:

give us a bell, phone me up, give us a tingle...but certainly not Knock me Up. Surprised

Cheers, Vince

Well, that's the life of a sailor. Somebody's always trying to take advantage of them by feeding them bum dope. It's hard for a poor young squid to understand the chicanery that some people use to beat him out of his money or strip him of his strict moral code. Tsk, tsk, the shame of it all. Evil or Very Mad

_________________
_________________
A17Shooter
Back to top
View user's profile
tracker
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 8:26 am    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

I've seen that one before Big D, I think it's awesome. Have you had to expalin to people yet about the high cost of air conditioning in the not quite as cold season, because we need to keep them blasting to stop our houses from melting?

_________________
"If God hadn't meant for man to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!"
Back to top
View user's profile
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944

PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 2:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Tracker,

Never had to explain that could be because etheir:

1) All the American's I've met in person were in Canada and knew better.
2) All the American's I havn't met in person know alittle something about the world (like the forum members here ;))

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11390
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 2:37 pm    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

Ya mean you don't have to have air-conditioning to keep them frozen? Well I'll be damned... Very Happy

That explains why I don't see any window units. Let alone windows...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
bigdeano88
Member
Member


Joined: Aug 23, 2007
Posts: 27

PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Questions asked about Canada ... Reply with quote

I say we put another shrimp on the barbie before we go seal hunting with mitri, that way we get the best of both worlds!
Back to top
View user's profile
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 2
All times are GMT - 7 Hours
Go to page 1, 2  Next



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by *Dizfunkshunal* :.