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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2944
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
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 Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 7:52 pm Post subject: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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The website officials at this Australian tourism website had a great sense of humour when they answered these travel questions.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9329
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:03 am Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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do all the sheep really look scared???
only the slow ones....
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6430
Location: Sydney Australia
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 4:31 am Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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| Elvis wrote: |
do all the sheep really look scared???
only the slow ones.... |
New-Ze-a-land, a clump of small islands to the east of...
never mind.. Them sheep are scared in Kings Cross if you come naked....
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1895ss
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2612
Location: Not Here...!!
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:57 am Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty on |
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A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way. |
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9329
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 5:10 pm Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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this kings cross sounds like a real interesting place to visit?? just dont drop ya wallet or you will have to kick it all the way home !!! right???
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6430
Location: Sydney Australia
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:56 pm Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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Lots of Kiwis in Kings Cross..
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9329
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:27 pm Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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that explains why it is such a highly recommended place to go...
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2944
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:37 am Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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My eyes are watering as I've just had to bite my tongue.........
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Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
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gelandangan
Super Member
Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6430
Location: Sydney Australia
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:28 am Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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the hippos needs entertainment when they are not racing
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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.
Do - Not try!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15834
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 3:53 am Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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Cheers, Vince 
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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gelandangan
Super Member
Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6430
Location: Sydney Australia
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:26 am Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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that could be right Vince..
never know much about these topics anyway. 
must be a kiwi thing..
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shrpshtrjoe
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Joined: Jan 26, 2005
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Location: Maryland
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English Mike
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Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK
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gelandangan
Super Member
Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6430
Location: Sydney Australia
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 9:02 pm Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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Oi E-Mike, Kiwi bashing is national past time for us Ozzians,
You poms get some other to bash.. No poaching..
Our NZ cousins maybe sheep shaggers, but they are OUR sheep shagger!
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Do - Not try!
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Elvis
Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9329
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 10:24 pm Post subject: Re: Follow on insults or joke, Vince isnt the only guilty one |
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hear hear gelandagan thats right they have the Micks N Paddys from the land of leprecorns to be hassling to be sure to be sure!!!!
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