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The stages of lifeJokes, funny stories and general humor
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Tremblay Super Member
Joined: Oct 08, 2007 Posts: 2678 Location: Malta, Montana
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Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 2:15 pm Post subject: The stages of life |
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The Stages Of Life Explained. This Is So Accurate It Hurts.
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed ......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
_________________ Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain
Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain |
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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15834 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 5:23 pm Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Elvis Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008 Posts: 9329 Location: south island New Zealand
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Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 9:04 pm Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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we come into the world bald babbling and dribbling from both ends....if we live long enough we will end up the same way again....
_________________ You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11424 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2017 11:30 am Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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Naw..I'll at least have a full head of hair. Gray it may be, but....
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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slimjim Super Member
Joined: May 16, 2009 Posts: 8317 Location: Fort Worth TX
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2017 9:34 pm Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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Bushmaster wrote: |
I'll at least have a full head of hair..... |
From the chin up!
_________________ "To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein |
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11424 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:31 am Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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Pretty much...
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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dhc4ever Super Member
Joined: May 26, 2011 Posts: 2944 Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2017 1:49 pm Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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You are in your 70's and you have that much brown hair?
I havent hit 60 yet and I'm completely white, head and beard.
Maybe that stare you've got scared them off
_________________ Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11424 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:58 pm Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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My hair use to be dark red. I'm a blonde now.
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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Tremblay Super Member
Joined: Oct 08, 2007 Posts: 2678 Location: Malta, Montana
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2017 4:17 pm Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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Bushmaster wrote: |
My hair use to be dark red. I'm a blonde now. |
That explains a lot ( he he )
_________________ Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain
Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain |
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11424 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2017 7:10 pm Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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Hell...I married a blonde. Figured that if I can't beat-em I might as well join-em.
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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Tremblay Super Member
Joined: Oct 08, 2007 Posts: 2678 Location: Malta, Montana
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:25 pm Post subject: Re: The stages of life |
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that's right bushy my missus was blond also
_________________ Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain
Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain |
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