What women really want / mean.

1. "Fine"

This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that
you should shut up. (NEVER use "Fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"

"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)

This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a
"Five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)

This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just
a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are
a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

7. "Soft Sigh"

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of The few things that some men actually understand. It means she is
momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"

This word-followed by any statement-is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If
she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.

9. "That's Okay"

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"

This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a
chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"

The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"

Dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud
Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

Cheers, Vince

Dimitri

Big D...Those are truer then you may think...

Oh yeah...they are ALL totally true...scary as that thought may be.

Cheers, Vince

Gawd Vince-after reading those I started hatin both of my Ex's all over again!
Hey Dimitri- How was your walkabout in Oregon-give us some details?

Never said they weren't true.

TRBLSHTR,

The walk about was good, ended up spending about half my time there in town. I did learn alot about water talking about the irrigation system to people there, to think we take rainfall and water for granted here and don't too much think about having to "control" and "conserve" it. I had pretty good food when I was there (had biscuits and gravy for the first time ) And there were a couple cute girls I met, and no I was a total gentleman with them no "stories" to tell.

All in all I liked Oregon alot, shame I had to go back to work so quickly I'd have stayed a little longer.

Enjoyed a few drinks of Pendleton Whiskey and Widmer Hefeweizen beer, both good wish I could have taken some back with me!

Dimitri

Woman are so confusing...
I'd rather decode and re write M$ Windows than trying to understand them..

And people wonder why I'm divorced
Joe

Ohhhhhhhh...................

The nightmares will start all over again Vince, thanx buddy. 5 years of psycho therapy out the window.....

ya know i had one of those "nothing" discussions tonight... ended with me going upstairs and falling asleep in front of the television with the cat on my lap...

Vince,
I'm in need of some help.
Can you please use your great knowledge and wisdom to give us all the true meaning of
"DON'T, STOP"

Don't stop has atleast 2 very different meanings depending on if there's a well defined pause between the 2 words or not. No pause , pause

Well now tikkat old mate...I don't think I could describe it any more diplomatically, or better, than Hoffy has.

Cheers, Vince

D-Hoff,

As a writer and a person that loves the English language with all of its nuances. I couldn't have said it any better.

Cary

With my "sailors vocabulary" I'm not touchin' that either...

I will say that one could get you the cops....