HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: RichardZ
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 0
Overall: 13126

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 268
BOT: 2
Total: 270
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Forums
02: Forums
03: Forums
04: Home
05: Forums
06: Forums
07: Forums
08: Forums
09: Forums
10: Your Account
11: Forums
12: Your Account
13: Forums
14: Home
15: Home
16: Forums
17: Your Account
18: Home
19: Forums
20: Forums
21: Forums
22: Forums
23: Forums
24: Forums
25: Forums
26: Forums
27: Photo Albums
28: Home
29: Photo Albums
30: Forums
31: Photo Albums
32: Home
33: Forums
34: Your Account
35: Forums
36: Forums
37: Forums
38: Forums
39: Home
40: Photo Albums
41: Forums
42: Forums
43: Home
44: Your Account
45: Forums
46: Photo Albums
47: Home
48: Photo Albums
49: Home
50: Forums
51: Forums
52: Forums
53: Home
54: Forums
55: Forums
56: Forums
57: Photo Albums
58: News
59: Forums
60: Your Account
61: Photo Albums
62: Forums
63: Forums
64: Forums
65: Forums
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Photo Albums
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Forums
72: Forums
73: Your Account
74: Photo Albums
75: Home
76: Forums
77: Forums
78: Forums
79: Your Account
80: Home
81: Forums
82: Forums
83: Forums
84: Forums
85: Your Account
86: Forums
87: Home
88: Home
89: Forums
90: Forums
91: Your Account
92: Forums
93: Forums
94: Forums
95: Forums
96: Photo Albums
97: Forums
98: Home
99: Forums
100: Forums
101: Forums
102: Forums
103: Forums
104: Forums
105: Photo Albums
106: Forums
107: Forums
108: Forums
109: Forums
110: Home
111: Forums
112: Forums
113: Forums
114: Forums
115: Home
116: Forums
117: Home
118: Your Account
119: Your Account
120: Forums
121: Forums
122: Forums
123: Forums
124: Forums
125: Home
126: Forums
127: Forums
128: Your Account
129: Forums
130: Home
131: Forums
132: Photo Albums
133: Forums
134: Photo Albums
135: Forums
136: Forums
137: Home
138: Forums
139: Home
140: Home
141: Home
142: Forums
143: Forums
144: Forums
145: Forums
146: Forums
147: Photo Albums
148: Forums
149: Photo Albums
150: Your Account
151: Forums
152: Forums
153: Your Account
154: Forums
155: Forums
156: Your Account
157: Forums
158: Home
159: Forums
160: Forums
161: Forums
162: Home
163: Forums
164: Forums
165: Forums
166: Forums
167: Forums
168: Forums
169: Home
170: Forums
171: Forums
172: Home
173: Forums
174: Forums
175: Forums
176: Forums
177: Photo Albums
178: Forums
179: Forums
180: Photo Albums
181: Your Account
182: Forums
183: Forums
184: Forums
185: Your Account
186: Forums
187: Forums
188: Your Account
189: Home
190: Forums
191: Your Account
192: Forums
193: Forums
194: Photo Albums
195: Home
196: Forums
197: Forums
198: Forums
199: Forums
200: Forums
201: Forums
202: Forums
203: Forums
204: Your Account
205: Photo Albums
206: Forums
207: Forums
208: Forums
209: Forums
210: Photo Albums
211: Forums
212: Forums
213: Home
214: Forums
215: Home
216: Forums
217: Forums
218: Your Account
219: Forums
220: Forums
221: Your Account
222: Forums
223: Forums
224: Your Account
225: Home
226: Forums
227: Photo Albums
228: Forums
229: Forums
230: Forums
231: Forums
232: Forums
233: Forums
234: Forums
235: Forums
236: Your Account
237: Forums
238: Forums
239: Forums
240: Forums
241: Forums
242: Home
243: Forums
244: Photo Albums
245: Forums
246: Forums
247: Forums
248: Forums
249: Forums
250: Home
251: Photo Albums
252: Your Account
253: Forums
254: Forums
255: Forums
256: Forums
257: Forums
258: Forums
259: Forums
260: Forums
261: Home
262: Forums
263: Forums
264: Forums
265: Forums
266: Forums
267: Forums
268: Home
  BOT:
01: Forums
02: Photo Albums

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 308
 Pictures: 2451
  · Views: 820725
  · Votes: 1316
  · Comments: 86
 

Updated - Cows
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6396
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 5:39 pm    Post subject: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Cows - updated

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

EUROCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

LEHMAN BROTHERS VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 1:32 am    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

gelan wrote:
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Haha Haha Haha Haha

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
SwampFox
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: Destin, Florida

PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 5:53 am    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Sounds like "Bull" to me. Cool
Best,
Ed

_________________
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
wiersy111
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2376
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 2:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Mmmmmmm....... steak!!!!!

_________________
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 12:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Hamburgers, no, wait...cheeseburgers! They both come from the same animal!

Some bacon would be nice too... but that's another joke and, wishful thinking.
Back to top
View user's profile
wiersy111
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2376
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 2:55 pm    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Stoves refer to my post above. Steak!!!!!

_________________
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:18 am    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Oh dear god yes.... rub on some spices, chunk it on the grill, serve it up with some carmelized onions, corn on the cob, big fat russets, green beans, lots of froste ones....oooh- and some apple cobbler and vanilla ice cream for dezert.

*growl, grumble....*
Back to top
View user's profile
wiersy111
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2376
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:28 am    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

The way your belly is growling you might trigger an earthquake.

Every time I see a cow all I see is a nice juicy steak on the hoof.

_________________
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 7 Hours



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by *Dizfunkshunal* :.