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Men and Women
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5954

PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:43 am    Post subject: Men and Women Reply with quote

Difference Between Men and Women:

1 - NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Liz and Barb.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2 - EATING OUT


When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3 - MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4 - BATHROOMS


A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5 - ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

6 - CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7 - FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8 - SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9 - MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.

10 - DRESSING UP


A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,

answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11 - NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12 - OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13 - THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

ROFL

Dimitri

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A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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shrpshtrjoe
Super Red Neck Member
Super Red Neck Member


Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 2965
Location: Maryland

PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:48 am    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

Very Happy So very accurate Dimitri Very Happy
Joe

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P E T A
People Eating Tasty Animals
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