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Don't Axe Don't Tell
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 7:26 pm    Post subject: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.


IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'


IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side . '

Suz

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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 7:31 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

Good one Suz

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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stovepipe
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Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 9:07 am    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

#1- welcome to my world. The Ghetto haids round here? They make up bogus street names for themselves and sometimes plaster their kids with them too...unreal. Shaneequitahlafonda is NOT a name. And get a job fer crisesakes.

#4- got me gigglin'! Good one.
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44marty
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Joined: Mar 20, 2009
Posts: 775
Location: Cheshire, MA; USA

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 4:00 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

Yeh, these names ar something else. it cracked me up when a woman said in a radio call-in show that her kids were named:

Leh-mon-gel-o and Oh-ran-gel-o (dashes NOT pronounced)

LemonJello and OrangeJello

This was in Hartford, CT. The city has another distinction, which happened the same week as the above radio call-in. Hartford is, as far as I know, the only city to have a drive-by stabbing.

Just how oblivious to your surroundings do you have to be to become the victim of a drive-by STABBING ???

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wiersy111
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Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2348
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 8:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

You can't fix stupid, especially when the gene pool ain't nothing but a puddle.

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13602
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 8:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

wiersy111 wrote:
You can't fix stupid, especially when the gene pool ain't nothing but a puddle.

...and the puddle is all but dried up too mate. Very Happy Very Happy

Cheers, Vince

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wiersy111
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Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2348
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 8:40 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

Natural selection will take over.

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A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
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TRBLSHTR
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Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1052
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 9:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

Cheers Let's hear it for DARWIN! Wink

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10545
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 6:22 am    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

Darwin's out of luck. The liberals will not allow a obsolete species to go extinct.

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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3539
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 4:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

Can't fix stupid how about ignorant?

I was at the airport to pick up a friend. There were a whole host of people allowing themselves to be searched without cause and without a warrant...... They were US citizens traveling by plane inside the same state!
war on terrorism my a$$! this is a war on our rights!

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stovepipe
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Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2011 6:50 am    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

Paul- when will you realize WE are the problem, not THEM. WE have to abide by rules, regulations, law's, while others trample them and wipe their feet on the Constitution.

Until the Liberal's say it's OK for us to walk with our heads up and breathe normally w/o fear of PC retribution, this kinda of crap will continue and grow.

You should see the disgusting display the TSA put's on down here...let's just say I get looks, and, one could sneak just about anything through there while the "force" that's deisgnated to keep us safe is blabbing on phones, picking teeth wth press-on nails, or going for a smoke. Neat huh?
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2011 9:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

My Dad just sent me this one;


Hellmann's Mayonnaise - a bit of history.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York . This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico . But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York . The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as -

Sinko De Mayo.


Suz

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diesel
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Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Posts: 90
Location: Watsontown Pa.

PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2011 11:02 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

right
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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3539
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2011 11:57 pm    Post subject: Re: Don't Axe Don't Tell Reply with quote

[quote="stovepipe"]Paul- when will you realize WE are the problem, not THEM. WE have to abide by rules, regulations, law's, while others trample them and wipe their feet on the Constitution.

Until the Liberal's say it's OK for us to walk with our heads up and breathe normally w/o fear of PC retribution, this kinda of crap will continue and grow. quote]

Stovie,
This might be true if we lived in a democracy but we actually live in a republic - Individuals retain certain rights even if the majority tries to abolish them. That is the difference.
You can only lose your rights if you fail to invoke them.

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Paul
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