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I'm in of need advice,,,helpJokes, funny stories and general humor
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pete4d
Super Member
Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 957
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana
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 Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:44 am Post subject: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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> A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts
> on their cell phones.
> The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send
> her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a
> friend. She texted:
>
> If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
> If you are laughing, send me your smile.
> If you are eating, send me a bite.
> If you are drinking, send me a sip.
> If you are crying, send me your tears.
> I love you.
>
> The husband , being a no-nonsense sort of guy,
> texted back:
>
> I'm on the toilet. Please advise.
>
>
_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968
When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. up-date
The secret to enjoying life is to never take it too seriously, as you will never make it out alive!
I'm on the watch list are you ? |
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Vince
Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15725
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 10:04 pm Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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_________________
Cheers, Vince 
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Elvis
Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9261
Location: south island New Zealand
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| Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:14 pm Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2944
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
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| Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:18 am Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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My wife nearly sprayed tea out of her nose when I read this to her.
Said it sounded like me.......
_________________
Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
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mohsinj677
Rookie Member
Joined: Jul 26, 2013
Posts: 1
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11395
Location: Ava, Missouri
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| Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 6:43 am Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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Oh? Hey great!
Now back to the punch line...
_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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Suzanne
Super Member
Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3323
Location: Eugene, Oregon
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| Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 7:02 am Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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Sit tight Bushy I'm on the toilet......
can I send you a bite?
send you my tears?
send me some paper!
_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams. |
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11395
Location: Ava, Missouri
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| Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 7:12 am Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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Zig-Zag?
_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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Vince
Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15725
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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tikkat3
Super Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 800
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| Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 3:19 am Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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No mater who you are or who you are with the conversation will always turn to .....
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Suzanne
Super Member
Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3323
Location: Eugene, Oregon
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| Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:56 am Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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Yeah wait'll they hit mano-pause....so....Tikka what are you a monk?
_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams. |
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11395
Location: Ava, Missouri
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| Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 7:02 am Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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Hummm...That rhymes with "g'day"...
Mano-pause? Men don't suffer from "mano-pause". Only women do...And THEY make men suffer for it. 
_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa
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Aloysius
Super Member
Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2440
Location: B., Belgium
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| Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 10:38 am Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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I think she meant the pano-mause...
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Suzanne
Super Member
Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3323
Location: Eugene, Oregon
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| Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 8:53 pm Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help |
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I don't know where to go from here....g'day bidet....I think I'll market that.
Pano-mause...sounds Germanic.... maybe this is it just a guess....
_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams. |
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This post is so great and NIce 
